Resources mentioned in the fiction The Governor’s Secretary, as well as other useful bits and pieces for people interested in BDSM (particularly power exchange). There are loads of other resources on this site, as well, but the links on this page are specific to the fiction. They’re either things Constance gives Joan or that she uses herself.
There’s a Glossary if any terms are unfamiliar.
I know the story hasn’t kicked off yet, but here are links, in response to some questions I’ve received.
For D-Types (Dominant, Master, Mistress, etc)
–See negotiation checklists below
Dominant Guide.com: The sibling site to submissive guide listed below. If you’re looking for advice or resources for that side of the slash this is a good place to go.
Mad Dom Skills (free e-course for Dominants): This is a 7 part free e-course for Dominants to help them up their game. I have not taken this class, but the person who runs it–Sinclair Sexsmith–has years of experience as a Dom and a teacher and if anyone has some wisdom, it’s them.
For s-types (submissive, slave, pet, property)
–See negotiation checklists below
How to Learn What You Want and Need: S-types can be walked over in power exchanges–whether intentionally or not–so it’s vital we know what we want and need prior to going into a relationship. This series of posts from submissive guide will help you define exactly what most works for you and how to keep yourself healthy and happy in a D/s relationship.
Submissive Starter Kit (free e-course for submissives): This is the complement to the Mad Dom Skills class above, done by Sinclair’s sub. It’s on my list of things to review, but just looking at what’s included I can’t believe it’s free and there’s a lot to get out of it.
In general or specific areas of BDSM, fiction or non: check out this page.
If you know you want 24/7 power exchange but aren’t sure what flavours are available, or simply want to see how other people do it, I especially recommend Paradigms of Power: Styles of Master/slave Relationships edited by Raven Kaldera. I reviewed it on the podcast in episode 13. You can read the written review here.
[You have to know yourself well before you can talk about limits, wants and needs. These checklists will help you work out at least a baseline of what you’re interested in.]
Vanilla Checklist from Scarleteen: An excellent list of questions for non-kinky people I think every person over the age of about fifteen should have and should review every year or so (desires change, after all). It’s a great tool for gaining more self-knowledge if you’re not interested in engaging in sex with anyone, as well. Start here.
CEPE BDSM Checklist [PDF]: The Columbia Expo Power Exchange BDSM Checklist. It’s no longer hosted on its original site so I had to get it from an internet archive, hence the broken images. Still, it’s one of the most comprehensive checklists I’ve seen and will help new kinksters form ideas of what they’d like to try (or not). This should also be reviewed because limits and interest definitely change.
Human Sexuality Map: This is a fun one for more visual people. It’s a map of a fictional land of many, many kinks and fetishes and you put digital pins on it to show where you’ve visited and whether you enjoyed it or not, as well as where you’d like to visit. The maps are shareable so it’s a good conversation-starter.