Con Drop and Cough Drops

I have returned from Eroticon (which was enormous fun) with some sort of illness (not any amount of fun). Walter had it as we arrived in London on Friday and it began for me as we returned Sunday evening or Monday morning. I can’t recall now, as I’m pretty zapped.

I have a cough and sore throat and generally no energy or will to move. I’ll be posting some photos left over from the conference that I didn’t post at the time, but mostly I’ll be reading this week’s book and sleeping.

The poetry for patrons and Romance of Lust readings will be late, due to the bleurgy, as will, probably, the podcast episode this week, considering how frequently I have to keep checking what day it is, between long periods of staring at nothing. Time has acquired an oddly fluid quality that I don’t care for.

Thank you for your patience. As a reward (I guess, I hope) have this:

I was saving up for a new computer so I didn’t have a budget for much, but I did buy a toy from Godemiche (pronounced god-mee-SHAY).

The Apprentice–it’s for your butt.

In case you can’t tell what it looks like… for size comparison:

The mug was a freebie from girlonthenet, who is wonderful.

I’ve wanted a smoother, thinner toy for awhile now, since penetration isn’t my thing but I need to learn to deal/cope with or, perhaps, enjoy it, one day, since I have to have regular pap smears, thanks to having HPV.

The plan was to have something smaller and frictionless to use to begin working up to a more ‘typical’ size during my medicinal play sessions.

I’m a basic sort of person–if something is available in black, that’s what I’m going for. Shoes, underwear, coats, bags, sex toys.

But Godemiche has some incredible colours–they’re pretty on their site, but I’ve seen them in person and can attest to their beauty up close.

The owners of the company were there and they’re both passionate about what they do–they clearly love it. We chatted for a bit and their enthusiasm was infectious.

I haven’t tried mine yet because nothing is less sexy than feeling sick, but I plan to write a review at some point, so you’ll hear about it eventually.

Medicinal Masturbation

I’ve written before about how I have HPV and how I’m an asexual lesbian.

In order to keep an eye on the cells on my cervix, I’ll be having a pap smear every six months for the next year and a half to three years. (70% of cases clear on their own in a year and 90% clear in three years.)

Being that nothing other than the ladies’ hygiene products are usually in my no-no zone, pap smears are a tremendous joy for me. I often get light-headed and nauseated.

Maybe I should take my little squeaky Spooky with me on my next visit. (source)

Maybe I should take my little squeaky Spooky with me on my next visit. (source)

But if this is going to be a very regular thing I have to deal with then I’ve decided I’m going to instate some masturbation for medicinal purposes.

Now, I know that sounds like those people in old movies when they talk about ‘medicinal’ brandy, but I genuinely don’t grope myself very frequently and, though I have the accoutrements for this project, they’re employed even less frequently.

I don’t know what to say. I’m simply not interested in myself that way. I’d really rather sit down with myself and read a book or write a story than put the moves on. If I am feeling a bit frisky, I just want to use my little vibrator and go to sleep. That happens every other or every third month.

Have I ever mentioned kink is not about sex for me?

But pap smears are horrible. Nothing should be that unpleasant. So I’m just going to view it the way the Victorians did female hysteria. (One of my all-time favorite nonsense diseases.)

There’s a fairly amusing film (called Hysteria) that covers some of the historical background. Victorian women were out of sorts because of womanly problems and they just needed to be ‘manipulated’ (jerked off) by doctors. It’s how vibrators were invented. Vibrators used to be terrifying, by the way.

Their husbands could have saved themselves some money by paying more attention in the bedroom, is what I’m thinking.

[Or so I thought until I started doing research for this post. Everything I know is a lie!]

Another film I enjoy that touches on masturbation (heh heh) is The Road to Wellville. The book is far better, but the movie is fun. And it’s based on real events.

As I’ve been working on this project of mine I’ve learned that it’s more difficult to put a condom on an uncircumcised dildo than it is on a circumcised one. I made a video about it.

Of course, doing it in the bright living room with dry hands was easy. Try doing it in the dark with lube everywhere. Sheesh.

Fiddling with myself on the regular isn’t the worst thing to have to do, but I’m going to have to schedule it in, because otherwise I just won’t do it. Then after my next doctor’s appointment in September they’ll be bringing me soft drinks and a snack so I don’t pass out. Again.

30 Days of Kink Day 7: Favourite Toy

Icicles Glass Rose

Glass rose dildo by Icicles

Day 7: What’s your favourite toy?

Currently it’s probably the Siren silicone dildo from GoodVibes. It’s the first one that I’ve used regularly and took some getting used to but it’s turning into a favourite. I’m also very fond of a battery-operated vibrator I got from GoodVibes years ago but they no longer offer and I can’t recall the name of. I’m not going to photograph mine because that’s kind of icky. It’s slender with a small bulb at the end.

I also have a glass rose dildo by Icicles which is a work of art. The head/bulb of the rose is probably too large for me at the moment so it’s just something that sits discreetly around and is lovely.

Of course bullet vibes are always good and I really should get a new one. They were my initiation into sex toys and the only thing that consistently worked for some time. Years ago I accidentally left one on the floor of my bedroom and returned home from work one day to find my cat had chewed through the wire that attached the controller to the bullet. I was gutted. A replacement was ordered posthaste.

If you’re looking for sex toy reviews for both men and women (and couples) I highly recommend Oh Joy Sex Toy.