↑ Return to Writing

Non-Fiction

By Title

The Pageist Introduces Herself: The first two essays I wrote about pageism–what it means to me and how mine evolved over the twelve years between the two essays.


50 Shades of BS: What the Media Gets Wrong about Kink: A list of the myriad things books, film and television get wrong, wrong, wrong about kink and the people who are into it.
A Desire for Total Union, Total Impact: Mary Gaitskill, author of the short story Secretary was based on, explains what she thinks people get out of BDSM. I explain why her opinion makes me crazy.
Abstinence-Only Flogging Education: I express bafflement about those in the normally safety-conscious kink community advocating not being safe.
Asexuality: Questions and Answers: A piece for KinkCraft expanding on some of the more common questions and beliefs pertaining to asexuals and asexuality.
Avoidance Behaviour: How helping other people can be a tactic to avoid confronting your own fears.
Being Asexual and Kinky: My first essay about what it’s like being both asexual and kinky.
The Best BDSM Relationship on Film: Why Gomez and Morticia Addams have the healthiest kinky relationship in all of popular filmdom.
Collective Nouns for Kinksters: What do you call a group of kinksters? Or a group of sadists? Leatherpeople? I’ve put some thought into it and have come up with a few answers.
Coming in Through the Library: Three Ways to Discover Kink, Two Ways to Experience Life & How They Intersect: Why the most dangerous thing a person interested in kink can do is forego education.
Con Drop and Cough Drops: My first post post-Eroticon, where I got more than just sex toys, networking and education.
Consent isn’t Just About Tea: ‘Yes’ sometimes means, ‘I want everything that goes with sex, but not the actual sex’. Communication is key.
Discovering My Inner Victorian: I work out my preferred (and in retrospect, obvious) style of power exchange. [Included are many quotes from various essays by people in English-style hierarchical relationships.]
Eroticon 2017 Post: A post about Eroticon–what it is and why I went.
Fantasy Books for Kinksters: A post about the best places to look for erotica about vampires, werewolves and other supernatural sexiness.
Finding the Lesbians on Kink.com: A brief post about the exactly where the lesbians are supposed to be on the famous BDSM-centric porn site.
The Gift of Reality; or ‘It’s Just a TV Show’: One of the many gifts kink has given me is enjoying my actual life, rather than obsessing over fictional characters. An essay about this progression.
Guided by Books: Have any sexy books guided your vanilla life? Or non-sexy books influenced your kinky side? And my contribution to those questions.
A Handful of Cinnamon: Power Exchange, Kink and Sex: The role kink plays in my life in relation to power exchange and sex.
How I Accidentally Became a Rope Top: Well, not really. This is about my first shibari workshop and how I discovered I really enjoy tying people up.
How to Support the Pageist: Free and non-free ways to support the site and podcast.
HPV: The Cockroach of STDs: My first essay about the most prevalent STD. If an asexual lesbian can get it, so can you. Get checked out.
Hyenas: The Ultimate Kink Mascot: Honey badgers are the number one BAMF, but I argue hyenas are the best mascot for FemDom, trans and gender non-conforming people and enthusiastic consent.
An Interview about Asexuality: A brief post with a link to an interview I did on the Erotic Awakening about asexuality.
Joan Ferguson is Not the Domme You’re Looking For: An update to a two-year-old post about Joan Ferguson from Wentworth, who originally appears to possess excellent qualities of a D-type, but eventually reveals a host of red flags, which is useful as a cautionary tale. Also: What Joan would be like as a Domme, had things gone differently.
Kink Fixed Me: A post about how working out I was kinky changed (to the good) how I viewed my sexuality and myself.
Kinkiversary Number Two: Thoughts at the end of my second year being out as kinky.
Lesbian Porn for Men vs Lesbian Porn for Lesbians: An Annotated List: 10 differences between ‘lesbian’ porn for men and lesbian porn made for lesbians.
Making Myself Believe It: Rage Like a Living Thing: Three months on from the HPV diagnosis I’m not handling it as I thought I would. An essay on how our childhoods have long-term consequences.
May is International Masturbation Month: My first post about the ‘holiday’ and some background on the celebration.
Medicinal Masturbation: Doing myself regularly in order to make my regular doctor’s appointments less painful. Includes my first video (of my sex toys).
Men Named Gray: A Rant: There are entirely too many dominant men in fiction with the surname Gray. And the tradition goes back over a hundred years.
My Introduction to Leather Care: Not an essay, per se, but everything must be categorized. This post is about my first gleeful experience properly caring for my leather footwear.
My Kink Could Be Your Kink: Re-examining a long-held, personal definition of an individual kink (pageism) in light of the BDSM tradition of being inclusive rather than exclusive.
Naked People Make Me Fall Asleep: An essay on why I prefer clothed humans to naked ones.
An Ode to the People Who Read Your Bio Before Messaging You: A thank you to the people who take the time to read bios on social media & send messages with more content than Hello and hi. You are modern heroes.
On Drama, Butthurt and the Language of Minimization: How we use language to shame and silence those with whom we disagree.
One Year of Kinky Blogging: I celebrate a year of blogging about my kinkiness! With Black Books gifs.
Outing: The Nuclear Option: Why outing is a consent violation, why you shouldn’t do it, how to protect yourself from being outed and what to do if you are outed.
The Pageist’s Fun Pack of Fun Giveaway: My first giveaway! Colouring books, notebooks, t-shirts and more. Hopefully the first of many.
Porn for Men: Someone found this site using the search phrase ‘porn for men’ and it left me with a few questions. Chiefly–what porn isn’t for men and what was the searcher looking for.
Projecting Your Kink: Why it’s rude to project your own desires and kinks onto other people’s art, photos and posts, the likely reasons people do it, and how to avoid doing it yourself.
Returning to My Original State: How kink has helped me face a not-so-brilliant childhood and stop using a coping mechanism I’d had in place for fifteen years.
The Roles We Are: Complexity in Kink Identities: An exploration of why we’re expected to inhabit only one role in the kink scene, when we recognise every person inhabits multiple roles in the rest of their lives.
Sexual Health and Kink: Important information on some of the less well-understood, but common, incurable STDs/STIs and how to cope with a diagnosis of one when you’re kinky.
Some Puppy Girl: On the Appeal of Pet Play: Exploring some of the reasons a person may be drawn to pet play.
Something of a Different Nature: An essay about the first pageist, as reported in Richard von Krafft-Ebing’s Psychopathia Sexualis.
Submissive Rite of Passage or Two (A): My first experience being judged by a kinky person and being told by a stranger that I wasn’t submissive (by their standards)–both important moments in any kinksters life.
Teeny Weenies–My First Weenies: I begin my collection of tiny dildos. How I learned of them and just what makes them so fascinating.
Those Talking Genitals: Consent Isn’t Simple: An essay about an oversimplified concept of consent as illustrated by animated, disembodied genitals.
Thoughts on Service: Explaining the joys of service-oriented submission and how providing service to a dominant differs from doing chores.
The Ultimate Domme: An ode to Governor Joan Ferguson of Wentworth Prison, Our Lady of the Leather Gloves. (She also has a tag.)
Washing up and the Digital Economy Bill: The DEB is law–how it became so before being remotely ready and how it affects non-UK people.
When the Good News is the Bad News and Vice Versa: An update to my essay about my HPV diagnosis after I figured out how I contracted mine.
When Your Sexuality is About Other People: Adventures in being hit on by entitled straight women. It’s not sexy. Stop acting like entitled straight men.
Wish the Pageist a Happy Birthday: It’s the Pageist’s birthday–here’s how to help her celebrate.

 

By Subject

Asexuality

Asexuality: Questions and Answers: A piece for KinkCraft expanding on some of the more common questions and beliefs pertaining to asexuals and asexuality.
Being Asexual and Kinky: My first essay about what it’s like being both asexual and kinky.
An Interview about Asexuality: A brief post with a link to an interview I did on the Erotic Awakening about asexuality.

BDSM/Kink

50 Shades of BS: What the Media Gets Wrong about Kink: A list of the myriad things books, film and television get wrong, wrong, wrong about kink and the people who are into it.
A Desire for Total Union, Total Impact: Mary Gaitskill, author of the short story Secretary was based on, explains what she thinks people get out of BDSM. I explain why her opinion makes me crazy.
Abstinence-Only Flogging Education: I express bafflement about those in the normally safety-conscious kink community advocating not being safe.
The Best BDSM Relationship on Film: Why Gomez and Morticia Addams have the healthiest kinky relationship in all of popular filmdom.
Collective Nouns for Kinksters: What do you call a group of kinksters? Or a group of sadists? Leatherpeople? I’ve put some thought into it and have come up with some answers.
Coming in Through the Library: Three Ways to Discover Kink, Two Ways to Experience Life & How They Intersect: Why the most dangerous thing a person interested in kink can do is forego education.
Hyenas: The Ultimate Kink Mascot: Honey badgers are the number one BAMF, but I argue hyenas are the best mascot for FemDom, trans and gender non-conforming people and enthusiastic consent.
Joan Ferguson is Not the Domme You’re Looking For: An update to a two-year-old post about Joan Ferguson from Wentworth, who originally appears to possess excellent qualities of a D-type, but eventually reveals a host of red flags, which is useful as a cautionary tale. Also: What Joan would be like as a Domme, had things gone differently.
The Roles We Are: Complexity in Kink Identities: An exploration of why we’re expected to inhabit only one role in the kink scene, when we recognise every person inhabits multiple roles in the rest of their lives.
Some Puppy Girl: On the Appeal of Pet Play: Exploring some of the reasons a person may be drawn to pet play.
Thoughts on Service: Explaining the joys of service-oriented submission and how providing service to a dominant differs from doing chores.
The Ultimate Domme: An ode to Governor Joan Ferguson of Wentworth Prison, Our Lady of the Leather Gloves. (She also has a tag.)

Consent

Consent isn’t Just About Tea: ‘Yes’ sometimes means, ‘I want everything that goes with sex, but not the actual sex’. Communication is key.
Hyenas: The Ultimate Kink Mascot: Honey badgers are the number one BAMF, but I argue hyenas are the best mascot for FemDom, trans and gender non-conforming people and enthusiastic consent.
Those Talking Genitals: Consent Isn’t Simple: An essay about an oversimplified concept of consent as illustrated by animated, disembodied genitals.

Etiquette

An Ode to the People Who Read Your Bio Before Messaging You: A thank you to the people who take the time to read bios on social media & send messages with more content than Hello and hi. You are modern heroes.
Projecting Your Kink: Why it’s rude to project your own desires and kinks onto other people’s art, photos and posts, the likely reasons people do it, and how to avoid doing it yourself.

General

Con Drop and Cough Drops: My first post post-Eroticon, where I got more than just sex toys, networking and education.
Eroticon 2017 Post: A post about Eroticon–what it is and why I went.
Fantasy Books for Kinksters: A post about the best places to look for erotica about vampires, werewolves and other supernatural sexiness.
Medicinal Masturbation: Doing myself regularly in order to make my regular doctor’s appointments less painful. Includes my first video (of my sex toys).
Men Named Gray: A Rant: There are entirely too many dominant men in fiction with the surname Gray. And the tradition goes back over a hundred years.
Naked People Make Me Fall Asleep: An essay on why I prefer clothed humans to naked ones.
On Drama, Butthurt and the Language of Minimization: How we use language to shame and silence those with whom we disagree.
The Pageist’s Fun Pack of Fun Giveaway: My first giveaway! Colouring books, notebooks, t-shirts and more. Hopefully the first of many.
Wish the Pageist a Happy Birthday: It’s the Pageist’s birthday–here’s how to help her celebrate.

HPV

HPV: The Cockroach of STDs: My first essay about the most prevalent STD. If an asexual lesbian can get it, so can you. Get checked out.
Sexual Health and Kink: Important information on some of the less well-understood, but common, incurable STDs/STIs and how to cope with a diagnosis of one when you’re kinky.
When the Good News is the Bad News and Vice Versa: An update to my essay about my HPV diagnosis after I figured out how I contracted mine.

Lesbian Stuff

When Your Sexuality is About Other People: Adventures in being hit on by entitled straight women. It’s not sexy. Stop acting like entitled straight men.

My Kink Journey

Avoidance Behaviour: How using service and helping others achieve their goals can be a way of avoiding my fears about working towards my own.
The Gift of Reality; or ‘It’s Just a TV Show’: One of the many gifts kink has given me is enjoying my actual life, rather than obsessing over fictional characters. An essay about this progression.
Guided by Books: Have any sexy books guided your vanilla life? Or non-sexy books influenced your kinky side? And my contribution to those questions.
How I Accidentally Became a Rope Top: Well, not really. This is about my first shibari workshop and how I discovered I really enjoy tying people up.
Kink Fixed Me: A post about how working out I was kinky changed (to the good) how I viewed my sexuality and myself.
Kinkiversary Number Two: Thoughts at the end of my second year being out as kinky.
My Introduction to Leather Care: Not an essay, per se, but everything must be categorised. This post is about my first gleeful experience properly caring for my leather footwear.
One Year of Kinky Blogging: I celebrate a year of blogging about my kinkiness! With Black Books gifs.
Returning to My Original State: How kink has helped me face a not-so-brilliant childhood and stop using a coping mechanism I’d had in place for fifteen years.
Submissive Rite of Passage or Two (A): My first experience being judged by a kinky person and being told by a stranger that I wasn’t submissive (by their standards)–both important moments in any kinksters life.

Outing

Outing: The Nuclear Option: Why outing is a consent violation, why you shouldn’t do it, how to protect yourself from being outed and what to do if you are outed.

Pageism

My Kink Could Be Your Kink: Re-examining a long-held, personal definition of an individual kink (pageism) in light of the BDSM tradition of being inclusive rather than exclusive.
The Pageist Introduces Herself: The first two essays I wrote about pageism–what it means to me and how mine evolved over the twelve years between the two essays.
Something of a Different Nature: An essay about the first pageist, as reported in Richard von Krafft-Ebing’s Psychopathia Sexualis.

Porn

Finding the Lesbians on Kink.com: A brief post about the exactly where the lesbians are supposed to be on the famous BDSM-centric porn site.
Lesbian Porn for Men vs Lesbian Porn for Lesbians: An Annotated List: 10 differences between ‘lesbian’ porn for men and lesbian porn made for lesbians.
Porn for Men: Someone found this site using the search phrase ‘porn for men’ and it left me with a few questions. Chiefly–what porn isn’t for men and what was the searcher looking for.
Washing up and the Digital Economy Bill: The DEB is law–how it became so before being remotely ready and how it affects non-UK people.

Power Exchange

A Handful of Cinnamon: Power Exchange, Kink & Sex: The role kink plays in my life in relation to power exchange and sex.
Discovering My Inner Victorian: I work out my preferred (and in retrospect, obvious) style of power exchange. [Included are many quotes from various essays by people in English-style hierarchical relationships.]

Sex Positivity

May is International Masturbation Month: My first post about the ‘holiday’ and some background on the celebration.

Sexual Assault

Making Myself Believe It: Rage Like a Living Thing: Three months on from the HPV diagnosis I’m not handling it as I thought I would. An essay on how our childhoods have long-term consequences.

Toys and Things

Teeny Weenies–My First Weenies: I begin my collection of tiny dildos. How I learned of them and just what makes them so fascinating.