Category Archive: Personal Journey

Aug 26 2017

Gynecologist Appointments and Sexual Assault

[CW: sexual assault] I’ve had six pap smears and one colposcopy. Seven times speculums have been introduced into my body. The colposcopy (which is to test for HPV after an abnormal smear result) was done under anaesthetic, due to the pain involved during regular exams. So I can remember six glorious experiences. Only one of …

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Jul 10 2017

Anxiety, Indecision and the Looming Spectre of Death

[CW: suicide, depression] I’ve taken a break from all the work I haven’t been doing to write this, in the hope it’ll help get some of it out of my system. This post has a little to do with kink, tangentially, but if you’re looking for something hot and sexy, it’s not going to be …

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Jun 22 2017

Episode 056: Brain Tumours and Real Artists

Real Artists Have Day Jobs Sara Benincasa

Episode the fifty-sixth; Wherein the Pageist has a big, scary announcement and offers up two very brief book reviews. .45 Intro and Announcements: Listeners in new countries–the Bahamas, Hungary and Lithuania. is a swanky bunch of shows–check it out. Eventually I’ll be over there, technology cooperating. Thank you to my Patreon supporters for making …

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Jun 18 2017

The Things We Wish For: A Cautionary Tale

At eleven pm last night, as I was finally settling down in my too hot bed (because they don’t really do A/C in England), after being awake thirty-two hours (because I have a terrible time sleeping) there began fireworks. On a June 17… It wasn’t a long display, but immediately after, live music kicked off. …

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Jun 06 2017

Sexual Health and Kink

STDs/STIs and What They Don’t Tell You I have HPV—it’s something I’ve written about before a few times. From the responses I’ve received and the news in general and information that’s just out there about STDs and STIs…people really don’t know much about HPV. My first writing, had some incorrect information because I was freaked …

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Jun 01 2017

Wish the Pageist a Happy Birthday

The Pageist

My birthday is this month (39!) and I’ve finally found a mission in life (letting people know they are just fine with their proclivities, whatever they are, and helping them learn to do their thing as safely as possible). It’s my job and everything.   Every single year has been better than the last and …

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Mar 08 2017

Con Drop and Cough Drops

I have returned from Eroticon (which was enormous fun) with some sort of illness (not any amount of fun). Walter had it as we arrived in London on Friday and it began for me as we returned Sunday evening or Monday morning. I can’t recall now, as I’m pretty zapped. I have a cough and …

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Mar 03 2017

Eroticon 2017 Post

If you’re reading this, I must be at Eroticon 2017. I’ve already written a virtual introduction post for fellow attendees, but for those of you not in Londontown this weekend, Eroticon is a gathering of people who write about sex (sex bloggers, erotica writers and so on) to learn how to improve their craft. Both …

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Mar 01 2017

The Roles We Are: Complexity in Kink Identities

My submission towards a certain sort of woman has been present since I was twelve or so—by that, I mean the desire to make life a bit easier by doing chores and errands and so on for women I admire and respect has been present since that time. Once I had the words ‘submissive’, ‘Dominant’ …

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Feb 19 2017

Statement of Purpose 2017-18

Statement of Purpose: Traditional vs Kinky In the vanilla world, a statement of purpose is something graduate schools ask applicants to write to demonstrate their aptitude, interest and suitability for the programme to which they are applying. In the world of power exchange, a Statement of Purpose is a document an s-type engaged in self-training …

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Feb 14 2017

Kinkiversary Number Two

Today is my kinkiversary (yes, it happens to be February 14th–I am not a romantic person so the irony is not lost on me). Two years ago everything changed (for the better). For more on my kinky beginnings, you can read this post. For the first time I have something to look forward to. I …

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Jan 08 2017

Sub Journal 007: Revelations of the Past Year

007. What have you learned about yourself in the past year that surprises you? I’ve learned that I can be committed and passionate about something if it means a great deal to me. The website and podcast are what have shown me this. Previously, I’ve lost interest in other projects or hobbies after a few …

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Dec 16 2016

Avoidance Behaviour

Today a Twitter friend posted a great tweet that was about how sometimes we use helping people do what they need/want to as a way of avoiding improving our own lives. She was referring to herself, but it was exactly what I needed to see to admit something I half knew but didn’t want to …

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Jun 09 2016

Discovering My Inner Victorian

Power exchange is the most important aspect of kink for me. I’ve known this from the start. But trying to work out what type of power exchange I was looking for had me fairly baffled. Then I read Paradigms of Power, which is a collection of essays about various styles of power exchange edited by …

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Jun 06 2016

Episode 013 Paradigms of Power

Episode the Thirteenth; Wherein The Pageist discusses power exchange, what it means to her and even figures out what style makes the most sense for her life. (It was extremely obvious–the Pageist can be oblivious.) 00.40 Intro This episode is all about power exchange. What part it plays in my life and the book reviewed …

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Jun 05 2016

Making Myself Believe It: Rage Like a Living Thing

[Trigger Warning: Rape, Molestation] I’ve written about having HPV before. Twice. Once about being baffled by the diagnosis and another about working out it was from an unconsensual experience twenty years ago. And then I was done. I’m a Stoic (head nod to my guy Marcus Aurelius, sup, Marco!) and I was just going to …

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May 10 2016

One Year of Kinky Blogging

A year ago—May 10, 2015—I started this site roughly three months after the light bulb came on and I realized I was kinky. (My kinkiversary is February 14, which I can’t believe I didn’t post an essay about. I did talk about it in episode six of the podcast.) I learn about new topics by …

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Apr 22 2016

Guided by Books

A friend of mine, who I’ll call Ethel, recently sent me this message: I became interested in anthropology after reading Clan of the Cave Bear, which is incredibly gratuitously porny, at age 12. As a kid with no interest in sex I hated the sex scenes, but was FASCINATED by the idea of speculative fiction …

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Apr 21 2016

Medicinal Masturbation

I’ve written before about how I have HPV and how I’m an asexual lesbian. In order to keep an eye on the cells on my cervix, I’ll be having a pap smear every six months for the next year and a half to three years. (70% of cases clear on their own in a year …

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Apr 13 2016

Episode 010 Coming Out Like a Porn Star

Episode the Tenth; wherein the Pageist invites everyone to her Fetlife group, meets her first human puppy and rethinks her entire philosophy of coming out. 00.50 Intro & Announcements: The show now has a Fetlife group! The Pageist Podcast. You can discuss the show with other listeners or recommend books to me or one another. …

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