Periodicals: Kinky Films and Unusual Orgasms

BDSM for Beginners (and a game for anyone): In this article from Bustle, a couple of dominatrixes give some advice on how to try a bit of kink nice and easy while dispelling myths about BDSM from the media. Something I’ve written about myself.

Books: About sex, kink and everything in between and around them. 100 non-fiction books all about sex education in its many forms divided by subject.

Censorship: Or: Why every kinky person or person who enjoys porn needs to band together. by Dictatoress. It’s a great explanation of how the U.S. and U.K. governments (and payment processors like Paypal and bitcoin) decide what we’re allowed to consume or create.

Etiquette: Lee Harrington writes about the importance of expressing gratitude and demonstrating respect towards demo bottoms and the partners of the ‘stars’ of the show.

Films (of the kink and sexy persuasion): Midori begins a series of posts about her 100 favourite films featuring kink. Notes are being made for future film reviews. This is part 1.

Orgasms (unusual types): This article from Playboy lists five types of orgasms that are non-genital-based. How many have you experienced? (I can do the thought-centred ones. And, yes, I’m gloating.)

Science of BDSM (neurochemicals for the win): There’s all sorts of great information about how subspace works–including how it works when no pain is involved–in this article from Broadly.

Shibari: Douglas Kent’s classic shibari book series is back in print–grab them while you can! Land and Sky.

Periodicals: Condom Sizes & Lube-Testing

Condoms (lo, their many sizes): The utterly rad BexTalksSex was offering a spreadsheet of the various sizes a variety of condoms are available in, so I said, ‘Yes, please!’ And here is the PDF. They also said that if you have a question about a particular condom you can check the resources they used to compile the list: LuckyBloke,, Bex also swears by Lucky Bloke for the actual purchasing of the condoms. Thanks, friend! [All of this information will go in the resources section of the site, but I wanted it to make a pass through the main page, first.]

Leather Advice (lifestyle): Laura Antoniou lays down some truth in her writing: On “leather traditions” and “houses” and other things people try to sell you on.

Lube (how to find the best ones for you): Dove-tailing perfectly with the earlier condom post–Midori has a highly informative and useful post on how to shop for lube. Including what to look for and what to avoid. There are 7 steps total, but they’re straightforward and at the end of them you have lube that will make your life so much better! Whee!

Masturbation (and games to play with yourself when playing with yourself): Spanking Theatre has an impressive, inventive list of ways to spice up your alone time that involves many games. So many games. Which can be adapted to be used with a partner, as well. Get creative!

Sex Advice (for vanillas and beyond): Over on Medium, Stella J has some excellent advice for the ladies to get what they want and need in bed, as well as how to find out (and give to) any ladies you’re doing sex with what they’d like.

Strap-ons (uncut edition): Sugarbutch compares three uncircumcised strap-ons (with a bonus packer that’s freakin’ ADORABLE) for your edification in this post on his site.

Transphobia (Czech Republic): If you like to know how other parts of the world feel about transgender issues, here’s an eye-opening, infuriating open letter to the editor of the Czech edition of the National Geographic issue about gender. I’d be well away from anything breakable when reading this.

Women and Power (and why we don’t embrace it):This piece by Midori highlights 16 of the reasons women don’t act on (or ask for) the things they desire in and out of the bedroom.

CORRECTION: A couple of weeks ago I posted a link to an article debunking jade eggs. This week I learned that the actual information on whether jade eggs are dangerous isn’t as straightforward. Because I hadn’t done due diligence, I didn’t read the original article on the eggs–only the one by Dr Gunter, so I didn’t know the original article was about a woman who’d used them properly to help reclaim ownership over her body after sexual assault. This was lazy and inexcusable behaviour from a person who prides herself on being science-minded. I will do better.

Periodicals: Deep Clean & FemDom

BOOBS (pillows that look like BOOBS):I kind of dig these boob pillows . Krista Louise Smith was a painter’s assistant and lost feeling in her right arm. Unable to paint the way she’d been used to, she began making boob pillows for various uses (eye masks, neck pillows, just giant, single breasts). I love the tear drop one, but think the extra large confetti betty is my number one choice.

Community (kink/BDSM/Leather/etc): Race Bannon makes a plea for unity and understanding within the not-vanilla community in this piece for the Bay Area Reporter.

Dicks! (anatomy of):Why the human male does not have a baculum (penis bone), unlike nearly every other male mammal. I find bacula fascinating and used to have a raccoon baculum (from a well-endowed fellow, my taxidermy friend told me) but couldn’t bring it to England with me. Raccoon dicks are neato.

Dating Apps (for those who hate…lots of things, actually): Hater is a new app that matches people based on the things they hate. (You can also like, love and dislike things.) It has a pretty great ice-breaker feature, too, so once you’ve been matched with someone you don’ t have to come up with something pithy to open with.

Erotica (Hetero & HOT): Girl on the Net reposted a link to this on her Twitter so it was new to me. Yowza. Sometimes you THINK you’re too sleepy for sex.

FemDom (They’re Not All the Same): In her article on Medium, Dictatoress writes about why the typical picture of what a femdom is isn’t how it’s actually lived. The usual picture is a male fantasy–not a Dominant female’s desire.

Hardcore Cleaning Porn (in person!): If service is your thing or you admire the ability to clean well you’ll appreciate this–once a year Blenheim Palace gets a deep clean (ooooohhh yeeeaaah) that takes ten people six weeks of working all day to accomplish. Usually they close the palace to the public during this time, but this year, it’s open to the public and they’re giving tours.

Trans Issues (nomenclature):This article on Trans Student Educational Resources covers why it used to be common to use an asterisk after the word trans (trans*) and why that’s no longer done. Many thanks to Darkling Muse for pointing this one out to me, after I used the asterisk.

Periodicals: Dick Size & Overthinking

Anatomy of the Clit: DangerousLilly’s clit has very specific instructions on what it likes–there’s one particular spot that makes everything right with the world. Then Lilly discovered there were others with similarly specific clits. Is yours a lefty or a righty?

Debunking Woo-woo Health Nonsense (Paltrow edition): Two for you here–both about some utterly unscientific ridiculousness from Gwenyth Paltrow’s GOOP website. These articles are written by an actual Ob-Gyn. You know, a person who studied medicine and everything. The first one is jade eggs people are supposed to put in their vaginas during the day (or keep in while they sleep!) The second is about a thing called a v-steam. You steam your vagina and it… oh who cares. It’s a load of tosh.

Dick Size (non-importance of):This article from Bish takes issue with the idea that dicks size is important to how ‘manly’ a person is. It includes explanations of why we may think big dicks are more prevalent than they are and how to be more comfortable with your perfectly fine member.

Oral Sex (Cunnilingus): A podcast by good ol’ Graydancer sharing his Top 3 Cunnilingus Tips. Thanks, man!

Politics! (in regard to sex and kink):This minicast from Stereo-Typed (a member of The People of Kink network) is about why sex and kink and what we do is political so of course it’s going to come up sometimes.

Porn Laws (US): From Glorious Leader (who’s starred in THREE soft-core porn films!) on down to specific states–here’s the newest news on the latest ‘public health crisis’ that is pornography in the US and its use.

Sex Toys! (why they’re extra important at the moment): Sex toys are even more important during times of political strife. They’re coming for your pleasure, which means they’re coming for your toys. Really, though, this piece by Formidable Femme made me think about a few things, taught me a few things and offered resources to keep the helplessness at bay.

Submissive Tips (Overthinking): On the Kink Realm, there’s an article by a submissive about how overthinking their Master’s orders is a quick way to make mistakes and how simply doing as you’re told is the best way to go.

Periodicals: Olde Timey Porn & Full Time D/s

D/s (reality check): This article from Kink Craft lays out the reality of a full-time Dominant/submissive lifestyle, for anyone curious about how they work or worried theirs might not be perfect because it doesn’t look like a fantasy.

LGBT Issues: AMAZING article by Brooke Shelley on The Toast about why banning cis men from certain gatherings in order to provide safe spaces is backward thinking and, ultimately, hurting the cause.

Porn (Olde Timey): HonestPornReviews reviews Delta of Venus (the website, not the book), which is a website just full of vintage porn–photos and videos and articles.

Sex Toys (and trans* bodies):  An enlightening review of the cordless Hitachi Magic Wand on Hey Epiphora by a trans woman, explaining how it’s helped her regain her sexuality.

Sex Toys (kink variety): Kinkly has this article on where to find items in your house to get nefarious with. Some people call them pervertables.

Periodicals: Censorship and Penetration

Books (queer and feminist): Autostraddle has a list of the best queer and feminist books from 2016. Dammit–tempting me with an Anne Carson I’ve been trying to avoid spending money on.

Dominants (being a good one): KinkAcademy has a great guide for what to do when you make a mistake –because all Dominants will make a mistake eventually.

Drag (and ballet): The world’s only drag ballet (which has been around since 1974) challenges gender roles while making people laugh. If they ever come to England I’m going to see these guys.

Gender (presentation of): When you’re a queer lady, it’s hammered into you that your nails have to be short. Formidable Femme says hell no to that in a piece about why she loves her long nails and the journey she took to get to that point. It made me want to grow my nails out again.

Porn (censorship, UK): As the digital economy bill drags on, the free speech advocate for the UN, David Kaye, has warned that, if it continues the way it’s been proposed, it’s a big, fat violation of privacy and international human rights law.

Porn (censorship, USA): Oh boy. Many states are trying to pull this nonsense. They want to classify anything that can host the internet a ‘porn vending machine’ and tell you what you can and cannot see on it. Is your state one of 26 attempting to pass this insanity?

Sex Advice (Positions): Girl on the Net offers some extremely useful (and hilarious) tips on 10 Positions to Not Have Sex In. As an asexual, I appreciated a list I could identify with.

Sex Education: In France, they’re using 3D printed models of the clitoris to teach about anatomy. What?! Lucky bastards.

Sex (definitions): How do you define sex? Does it have to include penetration? Do you think our culture has too rigid of standards around the definition?

Toys (travelling with): KinkAcademy offers some excellent advice on how to travel with a variety of kink gear and sex toys. From how to pack fetish clothing to what to check vs what’s safe to carry on.

Periodicals: Condoms for Sex Toys and Real Sex in Film

Brothels (Amsterdam):This article about the reality of being a window brothel owner in Amsterdam will open your eyes. And possibly turn your stomach.

E-stimulation (or, Electricity can be sexy!): If you’re curious, intrigued or just plain confused about what electrostimulation is, JoEllen Notte has an article on Kinkly about the four best gadgets to get you started, depending on what you’re looking for from the experience.

Family Law and Non-Traditional Lifestyles (US): If your blood pressure is a little low have a read of this article by Neil McArthur on Vice about how family courts in the U.S. punish kinky and other non-traditional parents.

Films (real sex): There are more (sorta) mainstream films that include unsimulated sex than you’d think. This slideshow from OtherBuzz lists 36 of them. I’ll be reviewing many of these on the site in the upcoming months.

Porn Laws (UK): The porn laws in the U.K. are even more complicated, ridiculous and annoying than I originally realised. This article by Screw Taboo on KinkCraft breaks down a great deal of information and includes links to further info, if you’d like to learn more.

Sex Toys (silicone and safer sex): Curious about something for my personal life (ahem), I did a bit of research about what condoms were safe to use with silicone toys. One particularly useful article that arrived on the scene was this one from CondomDepot. It explains why condoms are a good idea, what can go wrong when using them with sex toys and includes a list of silicone-safe condoms to try.

STIs/STDs (level-headed advice): Oh Joy Sex Toy’s comic this week is all about STI/STD testing–why it’s important and why being diagnosed with something isn’t the end of the world.

Periodicals: Defanging Jealousy and Feminist Porn

Allies (how to be a good one to LGBTQ+ people): Even if you think you’ve got it locked down–read this. Even if you’re a member of the alphabet soup–read it anyway. Maybe you do have it locked down! You’ll learn you’re amazing! If not, you’ll learn how to be the fantastic ally you know you can be.

Allies (being a better one to black people): See above. This article addresses Well-Meaning-White-Woman-Syndrome and ‘reverse racism’.

BDSM (personal experiences): Luna Malbroux writes about reconciling her submissive tendencies and desire for kink play with being black in the though-provoking (and amusing–her stand-up comedy chops are obvious) Fusion article ‘When you’re into BDSM but it’s too soon because you’re black’

Jealousy (dealing with): An articulate and useful article titled ‘Let Your Jealousy Breathe’ by Max Cantor [link is now dead] on how to de-fang jealousy that will be useful for people of any age in any sort of relationship.

Porn (ethical):Erika Lust is crowd-sourcing porn from the female perspective on XConfessions. (And it sounds freakin HOT.)

Productivity: This one isn’t kinky but it is quite useful–it’s a blog post from the fine people at MOO of 7 Secrets to Homeworking Success. It’s the first time I’ve heard working from home called ‘homeworking’, but the list has some recommendations I hadn’t heard before so it’s worth a look.

Sex Toys (best and worst of 2016):Dangerous Lilly has some recommendations (and some must-avoids) for both toys and unethical toy-makers based on her 2016 experiences.

Sex Toy Manufacturers (unethical): Speaking of people to consider not patronising. theNotice has an article on how Lelo continues to make questionable choices in everything from sex toys to their new condom that doesn’t tell you when it fails.

Sexting: This piece by Alana Hope Levinson on Medium called ‘Be My Sext Buddy?’ is about a different type of fuck buddy–a purely (or mostly purely) digital fuck buddy. All the fornication remains on the screen or between your ears. It’s aimed at heterosexuals, but the concept could work for any gender pairing or even group chat. Ooohh, group chaaaat.

Sexual Health (at all ages): Sexual pleasure is important at any age and Kinkly has an article on Vibrators for Women over 50. This is aimed at people with vulvas, but, let’s face it–that’s the group that’s most ignored and repressed in our culture about sexual pleasure and expression.


Periodical: Toxic toys and lesbian porno comics

Art/Photography: A collection of photos by (and interview with) Nydia Blas that explores what it is to be a young, black woman.

BDSM: A man who does extreme anal porn (baseball bats up the tooter) talks about how masochism keeps him sane.

D/s & Protocol: An article by Sinclair Sexsmith about how to build protocol in a D/s relationship and the various ways protocol can be used. Oof, protocol. Meow.

Lesbian Porno Comics!: Colleen Coover’s super amazing lesbian porno comic book, Small Favors, is coming back into print in a deluxe, hardback edition. I’ve already pre-ordered it because I loved the books. It collects all eight issues, plus bonus content, a new short story, and a new introduction. The current release date is in April. Read Coover’s announcement on Goodreads here.

Rape Culture: As explained (very, very well) by a man . Because sometimes, men will only listen to other dudes. If you know a guy like that–send him this one.

Sex Advice: Looking for an extra little something for your partner(s)? Check out Bustle’s 7 Sex Acts to Give Your Partner This Holiday Season.

Sex-Ed (continuing):‘Sex Ed Completely Fails Women’ From the no-DUH department: talks about how the American education system utterly ignores female pleasure when it comes to sex and offers some solutions to people who’d like to learn to please those with vulvas. Including information about a site called OMGYes, which I am intensely curious to try now.

Sex-Technology: A warning about our imminent death-by-sex-robot is brushed aside (and rightfully so, I think) in this amusing Gizmodo article.

Sex Toys/Health/Humour: Sex toys are sometimes made of non-body safe material. Bex, of Bex Talks Sex, made a Jelly Jar of Horrors [Internet Archive of now dead link] to demonstrate why it’s important to know what your sex toys are made of. The post is hilarious/horrifying. I kind of want to make one for myself now. It’s sex meets science!

Periodical: Feminist Porn and Kinky Yoga

Anatomical bra and underpants for people with a uterus. It’s an art project to highlight our fear of the female body and it’s brilliant.

4 Safer Sex Tips for people with vulva who have sex with other people with vulvas. Because safer sex is good!

Let’s Talk About Sex: A writing about the good that accompanies communication in the bedroom. This is an excellent article for vanilla people with examples of how to help your partner to feel more comfortable open up. (Examples would work with kinky people, too.)

Kinky Sex is Good for You: The study for this is small and I’m not sure about some of the assertions in the article, but it was an interesting, short read, nonetheless. And I’m definitely for people expanding their horizons (safely!)

Fresh Flowers, Plenty of Lube: Fantastic article from Rolling Stone about feminist porn–the history and where it’s going. Including interviews with Nina Hartley, Tristan Taormino, Jiz Lee and Shine Houston of Crash Pad.

SCREW 2016!: Fuck this year, man! Laura Antoniou made some hilarious products on Zazzle.

Angry Rabbit, Angry Searah: A review of a cock ring that shouldn’t have been, but it was also my introduction to that site Searah’s Museum of Screwy Sex Toys. Not to shame anyone’s kink, but some of these are objectively terrifying.

Kinky Yoga: A yoga class that includes kink–it’s lead by a Dominatrix. I’ve always thought yoga was torture–this is about the only way I’d do it regularly… Perhaps I should see if there’s a local class.

Periodicals: Sex and Sales

This is the first Periodical Section, which will be replacing Mentor posts.

Like the periodical section of a library, these posts will contain links to articles, essays and sales that have crossed my screens in the previous week or two and may be of interest to the kinky, sex positive people who read the site and listen to the podcast.

Writings may be recent, or they may be older–there’s no expiration date on useful information.

  • Let’s start this entire new feature with a something impressive. How about a Norwegian video series on puberty and sex? Yeah? Yeah!