Episode 065: Kitty Chambliss

Episode the sixty-fifth; Wherein the Pageist has an utterly delightful chat with the unspeakably exuberant Kitty Chambliss about jealousy in non-monogamous relationships and how to deal with it.

.44 Intro and Announcements:

  • Still no announcements because this intro was recorded very early in preparation for my husband’s brain tumour surgery.

4.11 Interview:

41.05 Closing Remarks:

Episode 064: AliceinBondageLand on Chastity

Episode the sixty-fourth; wherein the Pageist learns a whole bunch about chastity from show favourite AliceinBondageLand.

.45 Intro and Announcements:

  • This episode was scheduled several days ahead in preparation for Walter’s biopsy, so no announcements. I’ll catch up on those in a few weeks.

3.29 Interview:

  • AliceinBondageLand joins the show for the third time! YAY! This time we’re discussing chastity, which is the eroticization of not being allowed to touch your naughty bits.
  • This was a first in that she asked people for questions on other platforms (Reddit and Twitter) and so answered not only my questions, but also questions from people who practise chastity or are curious about trying it. We got into health and hygiene as well as safety and the motivation behind chastity play. Also, how to do it as a single person vs in a couple.
  • Santa Clara County Leather Week 2017
  • Recommended sites to find toys for prostate toys:
    NJoy
    Aneros
  • Shops Alice recommends for luxury chastity devices:
    Steelwerks
    Latowski
    MatureMetal
  • For cock pumps, Alice recommends going over to MedicalToys.com.
  • A popular device is the CB6000, though it wasn’t recommended from any particular shop.
  • Alice has previously been on the show to talk about FemDom and what she loves about what she does and Female Led Relationships. She’ll be back to talk about all sorts of other goodness in the future.
  • You can find Alice on Twitter @BondageLand
  • Her website is AliceinBondageLand.com
  • On Fetlife she’s GoAskAlice
  • On instagram just look for @aliceinbondageland
  • Alice’s flowchart for choosing a Chastity Device:

1.37.56 Closing Remarks:

  • Thank you for tuning in!
  • In the next episode I’ll be interviewing Kitty Chambliss, relationship coach and author, about dealing with jealousy in ethically non-monogamous relationships.
  • Support the show through PayPal!
  • Support the show and site on Patreon and get bonus content each month!
  • Like The Pageist on Facebook, follow on Twitter, Tumblr, Goodreads, Quora, Medium, and Instagram and join the Fetlife group.
  • You can also subscribe to the website through the email form in the sidebar.
  • Subscribe to the iTunes feed here. You can also rate the show in iTunes, which would be much appreciated!
  • The libsyn feed is here and can be used in your favourite podcast feed reader.
  • All episodes can be heard in an embedded player on this page.

Episode 062: Sinclair Sexsmith

Episode the sixty-second; wherein the Pageist discusses consent, feminism and just why so much erotic writing is so bad with author Sinclair Sexsmith.

.43 Intro and Announcements:

  • I’ll be teaching a class on lucid dreaming for otherwise impossible sexual fantasies at Eroticon in March! My bio will eventually appear on this page.
  • From the endlessly wonderful Reid Mihalko, I won a ticket to next year’s Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit, which I will hopefully get to attend (dependant upon finding a sponsor for airfare/lodging).

2.27 Interview:

photo by Bill Wadman

43.07 Closing Remarks:

Episode 060: Mike Merrill

Episode the Sixtieth; wherein the Pageist talks with Mike Merrill, the publicly-traded guy about power exchange, allowing strangers to make his life decisions and not filming porn.

.45 Intro and Announcements:

  • One new Facebook like: Hello to Grayson.
  • Two new survey responses. Thank you! You can take the survey here.

2.18 Interview:

  • In this episode I speak with Mike Merrill, the world’s only publicly traded, private individual. We discuss power exchange, including the ways traditional, negotiated power exchange can benefit vanilla relationships, as well as how he decided to allow strangers on the internet to make life decisions for him.
  • His main website is kmikeym.com if you’d like to buy shares or see what that’s about.
  • The Kickstarter for the book is here.
  • There’s also a website about the book’s project, Publicly Traded, Privately Held.
  • His Twitter is @KMikeyM

53.45 Closing Remarks:

Episode 059: Jillian Keenan

Episode the fifty-ninth; wherein the Pageist talks with author and spanking enthusiast Jillian Keenan about spanking, Shakespeare, consent and all sorts of other things.

.45 Intro and Announcements:

  • Hello and a big welcome to the new Patreon supporter, Devan!
  • Angola, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Belize
  • Jim liked the Facebook page. Hiiiiii, Jim!
  • Two very positive survey responses–thank you! You can take the quick, anonymous survey about the show here.

4.01 Interview:

  • Jillian Keenan is a freelance journalist, author of Sex with Shakespeare, spanking enthusiast and children’s rights advocate.
  • I reviewed Sex with Shakespeare in episode 42. The text of the book review is here.
  • You can find her on Twitter: @jilliankeenan
  • Her website is jilliannyc.com
  • Her interview with Tina Horn on Why Are People Into That?! on spanking is here.

46.15 Closing Remarks:

  • Thank you for tuning in!
  • In the next episode I’ll be interviewing Mike Merrill, the publicly-traded guy.
  • Support the show and site on Patreon!
  • Like The Pageist on Facebook, follow on Twitter, Tumblr, Goodreads, Quora, Medium, and Instagram and join the Fetlife group.
  • You can also subscribe to the website through the email form in the sidebar.
  • Subscribe to the iTunes feed here. You can also rate the show in iTunes, which would be much appreciated!
  • The libsyn feed is here and can be used in your favourite podcast feed reader.
  • All episodes can be heard in an embedded player on this page.

Episode 057: Cooper S. Beckett Returns

Episode the Fifty-Seventh; Wherein the Pageist welcomes Cooper S. Beckett back to the show and they talk about his newest book, Approaching the Swingularity, as well as pegging, male bisexuality and more.

.45 Intro and Announcements:

  • Thank you for all the kind wishes about Walter’s health. He’s doing well and is mostly bored at the moment.
  • An extra thank you to GentleEnglishman for ordering the Kindle from my wishlist! MWAH!
  • GentleEnglishman also got Sex with Shakespeare for me, which was great and I reviewed in episode 42.

1.57 Interview:

57.57 Closing Remarks:

Episode 053: Graydancer

Episode the fifty-third; Wherein the Pageist talks with Graydancer about consent. Also: The importance of giving blood.

.45 Intro and Announcements:

  • My first giveaway has ended. Two of the winners are Margaret and Amanda. Congrats to them! I’ve contacted the third person and am waiting to hear back.
  • You can subscribe to the show’s rss feed of the show here.
  • My birthday is this month! Help me celebrate by visiting this link!
  • Ramadan Mubarak. May your Ramadan be one of renewal and peace.
  • Happy Pride, people who celebrate it!

3.21 My Submissive Life:

9.41 Interview:

Graydancer in a kilt with rope

1.13.27 Closing Remarks:

  • Thank you for tuning in!
  • In the next episode I’ll be reviewing Approaching the Swingularity by Cooper S. Beckett
  • Support the show and site on Patreon!
  • Like The Pageist on Facebook, follow on Twitter, Tumblr, Goodreads, Quora, Medium, and Instagram and join the Fetlife group.
  • You can also subscribe to the website through the email form in the sidebar.
  • Subscribe to the iTunes feed here. You can also rate the show in iTunes, which would be much appreciated!
  • The libsyn feed is here and can be used in your favourite podcast feed reader.
  • All episodes can be heard in an embedded player on this page.

Episode 051: Auntie Social

Episode the fifty-first; Wherein the Pageist discusses books, fantasy and reality with Auntie Social. Also, new goals and rewards on the Patreon!

.52 Intro and Announcements:

  • I’m doing a giveaway! Adult colouring books, notebooks, t-shirts and more! http://thepageist.com/2017/04/20/the-pageists-adult-fun-pack-of-fun-giveaway/
  • Thank you to Eros for pointing out that The Stranger was written by Camus, rather than Sartre. Whoops. One of those French existentialists.
  • The rewards and goals on the show and site’s Patreon have been re-worked–check it out!
  • Thank you to the newest Patreon supporters: Luna and G!

3.06 Interview:

50.50 Closing Remarks:

Episode 046: AliceinBondageLand and FLR

Episode the forty-sixth; Wherein the Pageist discusses female led relationships with the inimitable AliceinBondageLand–why people enjoy them and how to start one.

TPOK Radio is sponsored in part by Church of Sinvention. Use TPOK10 to get 10% off!

.52 Intro & Announcements:

  • The show is now in Bulgaria.
  • Two survey responses. If you’d like to take the survey, which is brief and anonymous and gives me useful information on what’s working (and not), you may find it here.
  • One new (anonymous) Facebook like.
  • #trypod campaign information
  • My interview on The People of Kink.

4.57 Interview:

1.05.58 Closing Remarks:

Episode 043: Kink Craft’s Pixie and Andrew

Episode the forty-third; Wherein the Pageist chats with Pixie and Andrew of Kink Craft, a DIY kink gear shop that teaches people how to make their own toys.

.47 Intro & Announcements:

4.30 Interview:

56.18 Closing Remarks:

  • Thank you for tuning in!
  • In the next episode I’ll be reviewing The Smart Girl’s Guide to Privacy by Violet Blue.
  • Support the show and site on Patreon!
  • Like The Pageist on Facebook, follow on Twitter, Tumblr, Goodreads, Quora, Medium, and Instagram and join the Fetlife group.
  • You can also subscribe to the website through the email form in the sidebar.
  • Subscribe to the iTunes feed here. You can also rate the show in iTunes, which would be much appreciated!
  • All episodes are listed and playable from this page.

Episode 041: AliceinBondageLand

Episode the forty-first; Wherein the Pageist has a grand time talking with AliceinBondageLand, who puts the fun back in FemDom!

.48 Intro & Announcements:

  • This is the second episode in two days, so there isn’t much ‘news’.

1.19 Interview:

42.50 Closing Remarks:

Episode 024 Lee Harrington

Episode the twenty-fourth; wherein the Pageist talks with author, educator and instigator Lee Harrington.

.50 Intro & Announcements

1.48 Interview:

  • Lee co-wrote Playing Well with Others with Mollena Williams, which I reviewed in episode 2: here.
  • The book we’re discussing today is Traversing Gender, which I reviewed in episode 21: here.
  • Listen to Lee’s excellent interview with MonsignorX on Passion and Soul: here.
  • Lee’s website: PassionandSoul.com
  • On Twitter: @passionandsoul
  • The official website for Traversing Gender is: here. It has a large number of resources for transgender and gender nonconforming people, as well as a place to recommend resources.

48.40 Outtake:

  • A bonus bit about kink in Alaska from our pre-interview conversation

53.53 Closing Remarks:

  • Thank you for tuning in!
  • In the next episode I’ll be reviewing the third book in Laura Antoniou’s Marketplace series, The Trainer.
  • Like The Pageist on Facebook, follow on Twitter, Tumblr, Goodreads and join the Fetlife group.
  • You can also subscribe to this website through the email form in the sidebar.
  • Subscribe to the iTunes feed here. You can also rate the show in iTunes, which would be much appreciated!
  • All episodes are listed and playable from this page.

Episode 020 SWOP Sex Worker Outreach Project

Episode the Twentieth; Wherein the Pageist gets productive in a geeky way, is all kinds of grateful to a particular bondage enthusiast, and speaks with a very nice lady about a great way to help incarcerated sex workers.

.50 Intro and Announcements:

  • Thank you to AliceinBondageland for sharing links to the podcast! Welcome to new listeners!
  • Listener survey–anonymous and brief and earns my undying gratitude: Podtrac survey

2.25 My Submissive Life:

  • Louis C.K. on why we should be thrilled and amazed we can fly at all: You Tube Link
  • The productivity app/game that allows you to level up for simply being an adult. It’s a website and app: Habitica.com

8.25 Interview:

  • Today’s interview was with Alex from SWOP Behind Bars (Sex Worker Outreach Project). Their goal is to help incarcerated sex workers learn their rights and improve their lives.
  • Their website: SWOPBehindBars.org
  • Email: swopbehindbars@gmail.com
  • Twitter: @SWOPBehindBars
  • Facebook: SWOP Behind Bars

33.19 Closing Remarks:

Episode 019 Nookie a.k.a. MsNN

Episode the Nineteenth; Wherein the Pageist interviews the knowledgeable Nookie (also known as MsNN) about Female Led Relationships and much more.

0.50 Intro & Announcements:

  • In the previous episode I misgendered someone–I sincerely apologize to christian_red.

1.30 My Submissive Life:

  • Tits and Clits Comix: Wikipedia Link
  • Erotic Awakening, episode 402: BDSM for Introverts (on this page you’ll need to find episode 402 in the player). Also available on iTunes.

3.36 Interview:

42.12 Closing Remarks:

  • Thank you for tuning in!
  • In the next episode I’ll be interviewing someone from the Sex Worker Outreach Project.
  • Like The Pageist on Facebook, follow on Twitter, Tumblr, Goodreads and join the Fetlife group.
  • You can also subscribe to this website through the email form in the sidebar.
  • Subscribe to the iTunes feed here. You can also rate the show in iTunes, which would be much appreciated!
  • All episodes are listed and playable from this page.

Episode 014 Dr Gloria Brame

Episode the Fourteenth; Wherein the Pageist celebrates another successful trip around the sun and also interviews the charming and intelligent Dr Gloria Brame.

0.40 Intro & Announcements

  • It’s my birthday! Wahoo!

1.40 Interview with Dr Gloria Brame

  • Dr Gloria Brame is an author, sexologist and sex therapist. She’s also a funny and very smart lady. We talk about how BDSM has changed in 25 years and how it’s stayed the same.
  • Dr Brame’s website
  • Her Twitter account: @DrGloriaBrame

58.52 Closing Remarks

Episode 008 Cooper S. Beckett

Episode the Eighth Wherein the Pageist interviews Cooper S. Beckett, author of A Life Less Monogamous and My Life on the Swingset. Also, a new networking website for kinksters and a big thank you to Multiamory for guest hosting her show.

00.55 Intro:

In this episode, the Pageist has a grand old time interviewing Cooper S. Beckett, author of A Life Less Monogamous (which I reviewed in episode 005) and My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging and Polyamory.

1.05 Announcements:

  • Thank you to the new Facebook likes. Welcome, Jen and Cleo!
  • Power Exchange Summit is coming up the last weekend in May in Columbus, Ohio. Tickets are on sale at the link above.
  • I’m conducting an anonymous survey of my listeners and would appreciate it if you’d take the few minutes it takes to fill it out so I can learn a little more about the people who listen to my show. This is the link if you’re so inclined. I thank you.
  • The Cage is a new networking/website for kinky people. It’s just been launched so you can get whatever username you’d like. It’s very well-organized. The full address is thecage.co not .com.
  • The Multiamory crew, Jase, Emily and Dedeker, hosted The Pageist for the previous episode (and did an excellent job). I thanked them heartily and warmed them off my turf. Check out their show at Multiamory.com. They’re new to kink, but know a thing or two about poly.
  • And finally, several people on the Erotic Awakening Podcast Network are hosting a different show in the network for one episode. Very soon I will be hosting an episode of The People of Kink. If you haven’t listened to that show, give it a shot–there are some kinky people out there and they share their stories with Crazy Heart.

4.30 Interview:

  • The first interview I’ve conducted over Skype and technology didn’t explode. Miracles do happen.
  • Coop is an excellent interview, which was very helpful.
  • There may have been flirting.
  • We covered topics such as how straight male swingers feel about other penises, the terror of writing from the point of view of the opposite sex, what the deal is with all the alcohol in Life Less Monogamous, and fictional serial killers.
  • Coop’s social media: CooperSBeckett on: Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram and Snapchat.
  • You can also find him on: coopersbeckett.com and lifeontheswingset.com.
  • His podcast network is Swingset.fm

60.20 Closing Remarks

  • You can get 10% off your copy of Cooper’s books by using the code pageist on either Life on the Swingset or A Life Less Monogamous
  • On the next episode I’ll be reviewing Sunstone by Stjepan Sejic. It’s a comic about BDSM practicing lesbians.
  • Ways to connect with The Pageist:
  • Rate on iTunes
  • Like on Facebook, follow on Twitter, Tumblr, Goodreads
  • Email is thepageist [at] gmail [dot] com
  • You can also subscribe to this website through the email form in the sidebar.

Subscribe to the iTunes feed here. Subscribe, stream or download from libsyn here. All episodes are listed and playable from this page.

Interview with Embellish Maille

I was looking online for a submissive’s day collar and knew I wanted something metal rather than leather. Lazy but fashionable, I wanted it to be attractive but didn’t want to have to take it off to shower. After listlessly poking the internet I eventually came upon EmbellishMaille’s Etsy shop, which had several submissive chokers, as well as some other BDSM-themed jewellery. Everything was hand-made, as well, and the idea of having something especially made appealed greatly.

I knew what chainmaille was, but had never looked at it up close and didn’t know it came in different patterns or weaves. After seeing the intricate styles available, I contacted the owner and requested an interview and she graciously agreed.

My day collar--Poor Kings Maille

My day collar–Poor Kings Maille 34.95

How did you get into making jewelry? 
It started when a close fellow submissive friend of mine was shopping with her Dominant for a collar that she would wear everyday. Even though at the time I wasn’t in a relationship, I wondered what type of collar I would be drawn to. I consulted the ‘Powers that Be’… Google. I first searched for BDSM collars and noticed right away I wasn’t interested in a leather collar. I then refined my search to metal collars and was confronted with an array of solid steel collars and a mixture of different ones made with chainmaille. I focused in on the chainmaille collars and I was fascinated by the variety of patterns and even color designs. I took a look at a few instructions for some of the patterns considered “for beginners” and thought, how hard could it be? I invested about $50 into some start up materials and it’s been a growing passion. The only limit, is my own imagination. I love that it empowers me to get creative and have an outlet to express myself.

How long have you been making jewelry?
I started around the Spring of 2011.

Do you have a favourite piece to make or a favourite style chainmaille?
My current obsession has been the Jens Pind Linkage or JPL pattern. It reminds me of a classic rope braid weave that is pretty durable and unisex.

What’s the most complicated style to make? How long did it take you to master that style?
There’s a pattern called Elfweave that I remember being fascinated with when I was first exploring different weaves that I wanted to try in the beginning. I had tried the weave three or four times of the course of the last three years and it wasn’t until about six months ago that I could finally wrap my head around the instructions. The instructions were very clear and included photos, but for some reason it just baffled me. Once I finally rolled up my sleeves and took some time to understand it, the pattern itself wasn’t as complicated as I was trying to make it. Sometimes there are weaves that don’t have instructions and those can be tricky to visually break the weave apart to try to re-create. The key for me has been to go into a new weave with a clear head.

What’s your most popular piece?
The most viewed item is my “Lucid” Choker, which is something of a modified helm pattern. The most popular piece actually purchased is a toss up between the new custom [BDSM] photo pendants and the helm weave choker.

What materials do you use and why do you use them? Can you shower in them?
When I got started, my budget was tight. I wanted a shiny metal and anodized aluminum offers the shine without tarnishing like silver. It’s affordable, comes in a variety of colors and sizes and is really just easy to work with. The anodized aluminum is pretty easy to clean with the BLUE Dawn hand dish soap and warm water. Depending on the weave, it might recommend having a spare toothbrush to get into the crevices. I do have customers that wear their jewelry everyday including in the shower and I haven’t had any complaints yet. For anyone with metal sensitivity, aluminum also seems to be a great alternative.

How long have you been in the lifestyle?
I became aware of the lifestyle and my place in it around June of 2009. I was exploring and socializing on an online community (imvu). I had made friends with a married couple that partake in the Master/slave dynamic. As I grew to know them, they opened up about their lifestyle. When I had become curious, they pointed me to a website, “SubmissiveLoving” and it was a profound awakening. Since then, it has been… interesting. Initially I began exploring the lifestyle from the safety of my computer and engaged in socializing with other like-minded people online first before taking it to my actual life. It was a decision I have never regretted. I think I have always been submissive in nature though.

How popular are your sub collars? Is there one that’s more popular than the others?
Honestly, my sub collars are the most popular. Most of my customers tend to be other lifestylers in some form or other. To me, it’s very humbling to be asked to do a collar for someone. Though I know collars mean different things to different people, it’s an honor for me to be able to make something so profoundly meaningful. As far as which one is more popular, I would have to say it’s the “Lucid” pattern.

Have you ever tried to invent your own weave?
Not yet, though most people that have created patterns did so by accident. Or they will look at a pattern and say, “I wonder what happens if I do this with the ring instead of that.” There are a ton of variations out there by other folks that have tinkered and invented a new pattern. I think I came to do chainmaille a little late in the game and that most variations I would think of have probably already been done before. One never knows though!

Have you ever had a Dom?
Tragically, I have been involved with guys portraying themselves as Dominants. However, having an online handle like… “LordGrandPooBah” does not make a Dominant. Nor does spending hours upon hours watching BDSM porn.

You have several 50 Shades of Grey-inspired pieces. Have they been very popular? What are your thoughts on the series?
lol.. how much space do I have to fully cover my response for this? I do have almost a dozen Fifty Shades inspired pieces and to my own surprise, they haven’t been all that popular. I think only about 10% of my orders have been Fifty Shades items.

As for my thoughts on the series, I have read the trilogy about 7 times and seen the movie twice. The first thing, I would like to express is a reminder to everyone that the series is fantasy / fiction. If we’re going to commit time to reading or watching it, we should bear this in mind. It’s not an instruction manual for BDSM and shouldn’t be taken as fact. People that want to explore BDSM should be responsible adults and do their due diligence. Learn what BDSM really is and is not.

Secondly, the consensus I’ve noticed in regards to the BDSM community’s reaction to Fifty Shades has been pretty negative. I understand why, but I think we should be thankful. For all the faults that the series and the movie have… and there are a lot, the epidemic has opened up a dialogue. People are talking about it and we all know how important communication is; not just inside the lifestyle but with every type of relationship. Fifty Shades opened the door for conversation as well as a peephole into a lifestyle that for a long time was considered underground. It wasn’t widely known or talked about with mainstream “Vanilla” public. People fear and judge what they don’t know or understand and I may be naive but I think the more people know about the lifestyle perhaps the more open they will be to those of us that are in it.

Fifty Shades touched me on a very personal level. Ana reminded me of myself when I was 22. I was very naive as well as a virgin when I met a guy that was in many ways, much like Christian. For me, reading it was like playing out my own fantasy of how things might have gone. We had a rather odd platonic Master / slave dynamic and this was my way of taking the odd platonic dynamic to a romantic and sexual level.

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What advice would you give  to someone who was interested in trying to make chainmaille jewellery? What resources would you recommend?
For anyone interested in making chainmaille I will offer a few tips to know before getting supplies and such…. 1. is that doing chainmaille, not just jewelry but anything can be tedious. Most of it is taking a small segment and repeating it over and over again. For some that’s too monotonous. If you have any sort of carpel tunnel or arthritis, I don’t recommend it.

I would also suggest getting some good pliers. There are different types of pliers for different metals. Since I use aluminum, a flat thin nose and a flat, slightly fatter nose pliers works for me. If someone plans to use steel, I’ve heard that pliers with teeth will be more suited for the task.

As for other metals, I’m honestly not sure. However there is one website that has a ton of patterns, photos, forums, etc on everything chainmaille. mailleartisans.org The registration is free and they have a gallery and you can search the weave library and so forth. As for rings, different people use different places. I started out using theringlord.com and then American Chainmail as another option. Some people make their own rings and that’s awesome, but not something I have ever wanted to get into. There’s also some great videos on YouTube for learning patterns.

Thanks for taking the time to answer my questions–your work is beautiful!

You can find Jj on Tumblr under the name LilJorDay.

[This interview originally appeared on my Tumblr. I contacted Jj prior to republishing this and she said all of her answers were the same. I have used new images.

I’ve now had my choker for several months and regularly receive compliments on it. (People call it a ‘necklace’ so I’m guessing they don’t know what it is. Which is the point so mission accomplished.)]