Game Review: Radiator 2

This is a screenshot from Steam.

Radiator 2 is a collection of three games by Robert Yang. The set is available for free on Steam, which is how I played them, though you can also get them on itch.io and pay what you like. They are available for Windows, Mac and Linux.

The games included are:

Hurt Me Plenty

Concept: Spank the hell out of a dude the way he wants. It’s all about consent. And hunky dude butt.

Storyline/Narrative: Hunk of a guy conveys his spanking preferences through emoticons while you shake hands then gets on all fours and you spank him until you get bored. He can also safeword, though he’ll let you know if you’re being too rough (also through emoticons) and you can slow down. If he says stop you get locked out of the game for forty-eight hours. Afterwards you provide aftercare by rubbing his shoulder while he sits on a bed with a couple of candles.

Your phone immediately rings/vibrates and someone (same guy) wants to play again and you start over, but the guy has different limits.

My husband and I both played the game and the order was the same both times: Dude in jeans, dude bare-assed, dude in under-pants. Always the same guy of indeterminate race. As the top, you don’t get a say in what happens—you’re just the spanker.

Game play mechanics: I played on a Mac using a trackpad and had no problems. Walter played on a Windows machine using a game pad and he said it worked really well.

It’s not a complicated game in terms of technical game play. You shake the bottom’s hand while he’s telling you his limits, then a hand appears (even if the guy has requested a crop, dang it) and you use that to smack his butt. Butt smacks are right-handed but they can be fore- or back-handed and are a click and swipe on a track pad. Aftercare is the same right hand on the bottom’s shoulder, rubbing back and forth until he’s recovered.

You can play this game one-handed. … Oh. I typed that before I realised what… I’m leaving it.

Learning Curve: There is no tutorial. I had seen a video of some people playing it so I had some idea what to do (and it’s not the most complex game to master) but the emoticons the character communicates in aren’t the most straightforward so I’m still not sure what he was talking about all of the time. Particularly in the negotiation section. At the end he gives you a review of how you did as a top—I don’t know what all of those symbols meant, either. I got a star each time, which I took as a good thing. I’m a submissive. I like stars.

When doing the actual spanking, he speaks not only in emoticons, but also colours, so as long as you know green means go, yellow means slow down and red means stop, you still know how to handle yourself.

Replayability: It was great fun! I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I’m not a top, though. If I were into topping dudes—particularly spanking guys—maybe I’d play this occasionally to let off some steam.

Audio/Video: This is where this game shines. As much fun and creative as it is—the visuals are incredible. All three of the games had great music. In this one, the smacks are satisfying and the guy grunts when you hit him, which I found highly amusing. Walter wacked the guy so hard once (he was really getting into it) he said, ‘I’m really going to town on this guy—he’s loving it!’ and the bottom fell forward onto his elbows, with his butt in the air.

Walter was also impressed with the jiggly butt mechanics. I pointed out that if you got spanked as much as this guy did your butt would be jiggly, too.

Also, if you start warming his butt up a lot, it begins to redden—just like a real ass.

Review: Overall, fun stuff. When you’re in the actual spanking portion of the game, your mobile is in the bottom left corner of the screen and a timer is running… for some reason. When Walter was playing, using a gamepad, he had the rumble setting on and after the four minute mark his controller started vibrating. He asked me why that was happening and all I had was: ‘I don’t know. Maybe that’s how you know when you’re done?’

So there are several things that aren’t obvious but also aren’t necessary to enjoy the game immensely.

Would I recommend it? YES. Unless you’re offended by anything I’ve mentioned above.

 

Succulent

Concept: Stick a phallic object in a half-naked dude’s mouth. See how many ways you can move it around until the object is no more.

Storyline/Narrative: So… there are three identical guys… Who are in a sauna? I think? The two in the background are in tighty-whiteys. The one in the foreground is naked from the waist up. All three are wearing mirrored sunglasses like cops wear. They all have a moderate amount of chest hair, as well as nicely-groomed facial hair.

The one in the front is holding an orange lolly/creamsicle phallic thing that is melting. Probably because they’re in a sauna and it’s just so darn hot. The guy is really into that lolly. He wants to devour the whole thing. The guys in the background are really into watching him devour the whole thing.

Game play mechanics: About as straightforward as can be. Use your trackpad or game pad to put the lolly in the guy’s mouth in various angles and at various rates of speed until it melts.

Learning Curve: Nil.

Replayability: Again, watching dudes suck on things isn’t really my ‘thing’ so, though the first playthrough had me in stitches, it’s not something I’d play again. I don’t know how it would go over with people who are into watching guys put long, thin objects in their mouths, however.

Audio/Video: More great music. Yang’s people are very realistic without venturing into Uncanny Valley, which I think we can all appreciate, since I’d feel badly about making realistic people do slightly perverted things. The hair on these guys… I am in awe of however Yang makes hair on these characters. And the glasses! Really, just the artwork in general. I grew up playing Mario. Now I can make a dude realistically blow a popsicle until his cheek bulges and his eyebrows arch. We live in the future.

Review: Super simple game in terms of concept and play. Amusing as hell, nonetheless.

The ending was… a surprise. I wasn’t expecting it… When watching my playthrough, you may want to skip from 2.55 to 3.49 if you’d like to be surprised.

Would I recommend it? YES, again. It’s hilarious. And the A/V is A+.

Stick Shift

Concept: Have sex with a gay car (as a gay man) by going from off to sixth gear. (The sexuality of the vehicle is provided in the description of the game.)

Storyline/Narrative: A guy who really needs a nap is in his anthropomorphic car. (Then again, if I had an anthropomorphic car I could have sex with, I might not sleep much, either.) Sex is had with the car in a fairly non-graphic way until everyone is satisfied. The car communicates its needs in its own car-like way and you have to learn how to read its signals properly.

Game play mechanics: More complex than the previous two—this one took a bit more finesse—though less than I was giving it. The problem was more with working out what needed to be done than any fancy fingerwork.

Learning Curve: This one has the highest learning curve and my husband eventually gave up trying to play it on the game pad. I managed to work out what the goal was/how to achieve said goal without giving up and I don’t have the greatest amount of patience with video games, so that’s something. A clue is in the title of the game. Just stay with it.

Replayability: Once again, it depends on how much you enjoy stroking the stick shift of a car to bring it to climax. There’s a sentence I never thought I’d type.

Audio/Video: Like the others, outstanding. A+.

Review: Beautifully rendered, short game where you have to pay attention to the details to work out what to do. The very, very end made me laugh because I’m a ciswoman. I may have found the root of all misogyny. (The games are not remotely misogynistic—this one just highlights a theory I’ve had for some time in a particularly amusing way.) If you’d like to be surprised by the ending, stop the video at 9.20.

Would I recommend it? YES. Especially if you’re a mechanophile. Even if you’re not, it’s amusing and very well made.

Overall: these games make me want to play everything by Robert Yang. They also make me want to interview him because I have many questions.

 

Happy Playtime

Happy Playtime homescreen

I first heard about Happy Playtime in 2013 when Mike Krahulik from Penny Arcade advocated for it and was torn to shreds because it taught only women who had vulvas how to masturbate. Not all women had vulvas and not all vulva-owners were women. This was problematic (I agree). Therefore, some people thought the app shouldn’t exist.

I disagree. Many, many people have vulvas and are taught their parts are gross and dirty and shouldn’t be touched and their pleasure isn’t important. So anything that will teach them how to get pleasure from those parts is a step in the right direction.

I vaguely recall looking at some information about the app and thinking, ‘That is one girly looking vulva.’

I'm not sure if she'd be scarier with her eyes open or not.

I’m not sure if she’d be scarier with her eyes open or not.

Since it’s International Masturbation Month, and vulva-owners are still taught their parts are gross and their pleasure is unimportant, I thought I’d have another look at the app.

Guess what, though?

iTunes doesn’t carry it. Because it’s dirty. It has apps to help you break your porn and masturbation addictions, which aren’t even things. Apps about masturbation in that sense are just fine.

That’s okay, though, because you can still play the game in your browser…sort of. Stay with me.

On my touchpad it was impossible. She wasn’t recognizing that I was touching her at all.

With a wireless mouse I had marginally better results but I still couldn’t make her ‘happy’.

I tried my husband’s touchscreen computer. Success! I made her happy in a few seconds (it was like the first time you use a vibrator and are like: WHOA!) but the goal is to make her happy as many times as possible in 60 seconds and the second time around isn’t exactly the same at the first. Points for accuracy, there.

Then it was onto my smartphone. When you play the game on the web it puts it in the top left corner of your screen in a rectangular shape, so I figured it would fill a smartphone screen.

Alas, no.

iPhone Screen

You can see how well you’re doing by watching the ‘love meter’ at the bottom of the screen, which goes from 100% (the big O) down to -1. I’ve earned the -1 a few times.

After the first time I got a happy out of Happy, I couldn’t figure out what to do so I wound up furiously rubbing my finger up and down. That worked. I got two orgasms out of her and earned a porn powerup.

Porn Powerup

There are different powerups, apparently, though I could only ever earn the porn one, which was hilarious. (Eventually I found out the other two are ‘lube’ and ‘vibrator’. Though I don’t know what effect they have on game play.)

The porn powerup stops your love meter from dropping, but when you tap it, the ‘porn’ that played was a dancing cartoon posterior with the word BUTTS! and a heart. It made me laugh every time and now I use it as an exclamation around the house for no reason.

Happy Playtime Butts gif

My husband made this gif for me because no one had done so. The internet failed me. You’re welcome.

‘BUTTS!’

The game doesn’t save your progress—I suppose because you don’t login or they don’t use cookies or I-don’t-know-why—so every time you go to the site you have to start from the beginning. This wasn’t a big deal for me, since I could never get very far with Happy, but I can only imagine the frustration of someone really working to unlock a bunch of moves and power ups and then coming back to play the game later and having to start from the beginning.

This is move 1. Two is the hood and three is the vagina.

This is move 1. Two is the hood and three is the vagina.

Yes, I know, I shouldn’t look at it like a chore to ‘play’ with a pussy.

But it’s a chore to play with this pussy.

If you fail to make her happy once in sixty seconds she says she’s not in the mood and to go away. She shuts down. Literally shuts down and turns blue like ice. She is cold now, because you are bad at touching her. Well, you know what? She gives you no feedback. Pillow princess.

No good at this

I want to advance in the game.

I found myself rubbing hood, labia and clit in all varieties of fashion and shouting at the screen, ‘WHAT?! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!’

Which is not unlike what trying to work real vulvas can be like, at times. They’re knocking it out of the park on accuracy.

If your device isn’t connected to the internet you can’t make Happy happy. For several minutes I thought I was truly terrible and it turned out my wifi had just gone off.

My Love Meter is at 0 but my frustration meter is at 1000.

My Love Meter is at 0 but my frustration meter is at 1000.

This wouldn’t be an awful tool for teaching guys about vulvas. There’s definitions and anatomy lessons, as well as instructions. Not to mention the gamifying.

Of course, there’s the entire, ‘This pussy comes more than once in sixty seconds’ thing. And that’s not happening unless your name is Hitachi.

At a certain point I wanted to just give her a vibrator. ‘Look, honey, maybe you’re one of those that can’t get off without vibration. That’s okay. You just need to know that about yourself. Let’s go shopping together.’

It would be nice if the app was 1. available on the app store and 2. customizable by individual people. Like, if you couldn’t stand direct stimulation you’d tell it to never suggest that and if you loved circles you’d have that high on the list of moves. Then give it to your clueless partner to practice during breaks at work.

The timer would be much longer, though, and include softer touches other places, too.

She means well.

She means well.

Walter was next to me as I was on my phone, savagely trying to make this bizarrely cheerful vulva orgasm, shouting about how she was too damn fickle yet uncommunicative, and, after laughing hysterically at my failure to please, had to try it so he got on his touchscreen (the one I’d desecrated earlier).

He loved the ‘BUTTS!’ too. I could tell every time he used the powerup because he’d laugh.

I never thought I’d rage-quit a game about orgasms, but there you go.

That said, I’d probably purchase it and play it more on my phone if it was an actual app and saved progress, as (I hope) it would be better designed for mobile devices.

As you can see from the video, even on a mobile device, the web version still isn’t behaving like an app. It seemed to work best on a laptop with a touchscreen.

When I went to make the video to show just how fickle she was being, wouldn’t you know, suddenly she was easy-peasy to please.

Of course.

It was then I unlocked the second lesson in the game…and discovered the web app won’t allow you to scroll to read all of the lessons on a smart phone, only on a computer with a mouse or page up/down buttons. Keep in mind a mouse or trackpad won’t actually please Happy.

So the ideal way to play this ‘game’ is on a touchscreen laptop. But your arm will probably get tired. Again with the accuracy.

There are five lessons. One is anatomy.

There are five lessons. One is anatomy.

After we finished recording the video I continued to play to see if I could unlock more lessons, powerups or moves—I could not. She returned to being difficult to please. Apparently, she’s an exhibitionist.

If you decide to give Happy Playtime a go, please let me know what you thought and how far you got.

Here’s some extra information about the lady wanking from the people who make the app.

(Source)

Click to enlarge. (Source)