Category Archive: Essays

May 12 2016

When Your Sexuality Is About Other People

[Disclaimer: this writing is not about all heterosexual women. Nay, it is not even about the majority of heterosexual women. It is, however, about a very specific group of hetero (and a very few bi) women who exist. If you read this piece and you would not behave this way, then, clearly, it is not …

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May 10 2016

One Year of Kinky Blogging

A year ago—May 10, 2015—I started this site roughly three months after the light bulb came on and I realized I was kinky. (My kinkiversary is February 14, which I can’t believe I didn’t post an essay about. I did talk about it in episode six of the podcast.) I learn about new topics by …

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May 03 2016

May is International Masturbation Month

Much like October having an identity crisis over whether or not it’s National or International Kink Month, there seems to be some confusion over whether the masturbation awareness/celebration is to be on a national or international level for the month of May. According to the creators of the day, though, Good Vibrations, it is International Masturbation …

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Apr 22 2016

Guided by Books

A friend of mine, who I’ll call Ethel, recently sent me this message: I became interested in anthropology after reading Clan of the Cave Bear, which is incredibly gratuitously porny, at age 12. As a kid with no interest in sex I hated the sex scenes, but was FASCINATED by the idea of speculative fiction …

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Apr 21 2016

Medicinal Masturbation

I’ve written before about how I have HPV and how I’m an asexual lesbian. In order to keep an eye on the cells on my cervix, I’ll be having a pap smear every six months for the next year and a half to three years. (70% of cases clear on their own in a year …

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Apr 17 2016

On Drama, Butthurt and the Language of Minimization

Everyone these days is either ‘butthurt’ or causing ‘drama’. Because, apparently, we’re all twelve years old. It didn’t used to be this way, though. People used to be more nuanced, I think. Or perhaps we were dismissive of other’s feelings differently. Ten years or so ago I was active on a forum for readers and …

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Apr 10 2016

A Handful of Cinnamon: Power Exchange, Kink & Sex

Someone I correspond with and I have been exchanging stories about things we were interested in when we were younger that informed our kinky selves as adults. Many kinksters have these stories—they were fascinated by the damsels being captured by the bad guy in TV shows, but they didn’t know why, or they really liked …

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Apr 07 2016

Abstinence-Only Flogging Education

Recently a friend wrote a post on Fetlife about behavior he found worrying—he’d witnessed (repeatedly) people using the same floggers on multiple people in one evening. Either at dungeons or play parties or whathaveyou. This is dangerous behavior, as it can theoretically spread certain STDs and STIs, which he went into, and then explained the …

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Mar 24 2016

The Gift of Reality; or ‘It’s Just a TV Show’

‘It’s just a TV show.’ ‘Calm down, it’s just a movie.’ I used to think people who said these things were insane. They didn’t get it. Fiction created by other people was important. It was near life or death, okay? What the hell was wrong with them? Why were they all, ‘It’s only tits and …

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Mar 17 2016

When the Good News is the Bad News and Vice Versa

Previously on WTF, Are You Kidding Me?!: Two and a half weeks ago I found out I have HPV. After doing some research I wrote an essay (HPV: The Cockroach of STDs) to deal with the initial influx of overwhelming emotions. Being an asexual lesbian I found this very surprising. People who don’t have sex …

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Mar 06 2016

Those Talking Genitals: Consent isn’t Simple

Have you seen those talking genitals? If you haven’t, here they are: If you’re someplace where you can’t (or don’t want to) watch disembodied, animated genitals then I shall describe them for you. There are three short ads. In one a brown breast and a white hand are laughing, just enjoying themselves, and the hand …

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Dec 03 2015

Returning to My Original State

In my early twenties I made the decision to become English, at least in writing. I had moved away from the tiny, toxic town I’d grown up in, changed my first name and changed my accent from the Deliverance-worthy American Southern thing I’d been raised with to a generic American accent. But I needed to …

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Nov 05 2015

Being Asexual and Kinky

What I Mean When I Say She’s Hot (Being Asexual and Kinky) Recently, I updated my FetLife profile and added this: I’m an asexual lesbian married to my best friend, whom I love dearly and who is a man. He is asexual, as well, and one of the best people I know. He knows I’m …

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Oct 30 2015

The Addams Family — We Are All Addamses

Kinky people are all Addamses. Just stay with me here. A couple weeks ago I posted an essay about how Gomez and Morticia Addams had the healthiest BDSM relationship on film. I also mentioned how I needed to rewatch it. And so I did. I was not disappointed. If you haven’t seen the film or …

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Oct 29 2015

A Submissive Rite of Passage or Two

A Submissive Rite of Passage; Well, Two, Actually Some weeks ago someone contacted me through my site and wanted advice about a new stage of their submission. I couldn’t give advice being that I’m new to everything, which I’m open about on my blog. I said as much but that I was happy to befriend …

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Oct 22 2015

How I Accidentally Became a Rope Top

Look. None of this was planned, okay. Last February (has it only been since then? It feels like years) I finally had the whole ‘Yer a submissive, Harry. I mean, Paige!’ realisation and started reading and writing about power exchange and was happy with knowing there were other people like me. I’ve never been a …

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Aug 27 2015

A Desire for Total Union, Total Impact

As I was working on the book review of Bad Behavior for Tuesday I came across an interview the author, Mary Gaitskill, did after the book came out. One critic who panned it (the only one, as it was received very well by critics) didn’t like that many of the female characters were too submissive …

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Jul 16 2015

Kink Fixed Me

[Trigger warning: suicide, sexual assault, anorexia, self harm] When I was writing my review of the Perverted Podcast, I emailed the show to request a photo of the hosts. I wound up exchanging a couple emails with Boogie. In one of those emails he said that he does what he does because, ‘Some closeted kinky …

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Jul 05 2015

Lesbian Porn for Men vs for Lesbians

Lesbian Porn for Men vs Lesbian Porn for Lesbians: An Annotated List I’ve seen one or two films of the grown-up persuasion in my time. And I enjoy the ladies who enjoy the ladies, so the majority of those films have been of ladies enjoying other ladies’… ladyparts. When I first stumbled out into pornland, …

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Jun 11 2015

Thoughts on Service

‘Work, I’m told, done with no selfish interest, purifies the mind. Apparently, you sink your separate self and become one with the universal self. On the other hand, senseless labor is an insult and a bore and should be scrupulously avoided.’ –Harold and Maude by Colin Higgins Maude says this to Harold in the novelization …

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