Category Archives: Essays

All the Smaller For It: Kink as Orientation & Nonsexual Kink

All the Smaller For It a.k.a. Everyone Doesn’t Have to Experience Relationships the Way You Do This week hasn’t been so swift, as my Mother likes to say when she doesn’t feel good. ‘I don’t feel so swift.’ I started Monday morning being compared to a rapist and pedophile for being kinky. Here’s what happened. […]

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Sexual Health and Kink

STDs/STIs and What They Don’t Tell You I have HPV—it’s something I’ve written about before a few times. From the responses I’ve received and the news in general and information that’s just out there about STDs and STIs…people really don’t know much about HPV. My first writing, had some incorrect information because I was freaked […]

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Joan Ferguson is Not the Domme You’re Looking For

[Disclaimers: This post is about Joan Ferguson from Wentworth (or Wentworth Prison), not the character from the original show Prisoner: Cell Block H. This post has spoilers up through series five. I owe a great deal to Joan Ferguson (and the actress who plays the role so well), as she’s helped me realise some of […]

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Washing up and the Digital Economy Bill

The Digital Economy Bill has become law. This is Bad News with a capital What. The. Fuck. Even with the way the news has been going in the previous, oh, eleven months :cough:Brexitkickedthisshitoff:cough:, THIS still ranks up there in poorly-thought-out ‘WHY, though?!’ legislative decisions. {This post is being clattered out in a rush when I’m […]

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Naked People Make Me Fall Asleep

Why the Asexual Is Thinking About You Naked Not long ago I met a photographer who processes photography in old-timey ways—daguerrotypes, rather than Polaroids. (His name is Nicolas Laborie and his work is pretty neato.) Nicolas is interested in gender and how people present themselves and so on so we had a thought-provoking chat and […]

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Coming in Through the Library

Coming in Through the Library: The Three Ways to Discover Kink, Two Ways to Experience Life & How They Intersect I often compare kink to Narnia, where, at first glance, it appears to be a wardrobe full of leather, rubber and latex, but if you push through, there’s an entire world of wonders you couldn’t […]

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Projecting Your Kink

There is a particular behaviour that I’ve witnessed—and experienced myself—in the kink scene online. It may happen out in the analogue world, too, but I don’t spend much time out there at play parties or dungeons so I can’t speak to that. From what I’ve experienced, it primarily happens from male-socialised individuals (MSI) towards female-presenting […]

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Hyenas: The Ultimate Kink Mascot

It’s generally accepted that the honey badger is nature’s BAMF. It can take a licking and keep on ticking. It straight up does not give af. I will not be disputing that in this article. But I would like to propose the female hyena as the mascot for several marginalised groups. FemDom (and the submissive […]

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50 Shades of BS: What the Media Gets Wrong about Kink

[A slightly different/condensed version of this piece is in episode 28 of my podcast. The episode covers the best portrayals of kink in film and some of the worst, as well as this writing.] [Secondary note: I use ‘top’ and ‘bottom’ rather than saying ‘top/D-type’ ‘bottom/s-type’ every time. Substitute the title most applicable to you.] […]

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