You know, rather than just looking at your photo and sending:
Being a guy and telling me all about what sort of interests they have in kink and D/s when I’m a lesbian and it says so in my profile. You could have saved us both time by looking at the description, friendo.
‘Dating’ Platforms and Tiring Dudes
This happens on all the social media platforms that could even remotely be considered dating platforms. I don’t consider discussion forums to be dating platforms, but some people do and behave accordingly.
It’s only men who do it. If a woman contacts me, it’s because she’s responding to a writing and engages in conversation.
This is common for most women on the internet. I hear about it All. The. Time.
My personal favourite exchange, ever:
Him: Hi, are you looking for a Dom?
Me: Yes, but I’m a lesbian.
Him: I don’t mind.
As though he would overlook some fault in order to be my Dominant. What a gent.
That’s not how it works, there, guy.
This is why I don’t spend much time on forums or dating apps. Even choosing ‘hide my account from heterosexuals’ on OK Cupid gets straight women trolling for a third for them and their husbands even though my profile says very clearly, right at the top, LESBIAN. You can’t win if you’re a woman on the internet.
Don’t @ Me
Geez, take it as a compliment!
If gay guys were talking to you and trying it on and making comments all the time even though you stated you were straight, you’d be annoyed, too. Particularly if you lived in a culture that told you your worth was based on if gay guys wanted to fuck you.
Especially if you didn’t know if you were going to be verbally abused (or perhaps physically abused) even if you politely turned them down or simply didn’t respond. No matter how I choose to respond (or not) my heart races every time.
Just block them, then.
That’s the ‘no means no’ version of social media usage and I thought we were supposed to be all about ‘yes means yes’?
No woman should have to block unwanted advances and time-wasting messages from people who haven’t even bothered to read their bios. If they had read your bio they wouldn’t have wasted their own time by sending a message in the first place.
Well, you think a lot of yourself, don’t you?
Not really, no. Although, why wouldn’t I? I get random strangers complimenting me on the internet regularly. Then again, someone will find anyone attractive so that’s neither here nor there. I see how it works, though. You’re allowed to find me attractive but I’m not allowed to acknowledge it. I’m supposed to get all of my self-worth from other people. Primarily men. Right. Nice.
Why would you put your picture out there if you didn’t want people to find you attractive?
What rape culture? Where. Also, why would I write my bio and state I was a lesbian if I didn’t want people to read it? What gets me is that I’m fully clothed in my photo–I can’t even imagine what sorts of messages women get who have the body confidence to post photos showing cleavage or other body parts. I admire their self-esteem, but, man, they must spend entire portions of the day blocking people.
I posted a photo because I actually liked a photo of myself–this happens about once every five years–and I thought it would be cool to have an image to associate with my bio. For the Dommes who may read it.
It’s hard being a man on the internet! You have to do all the work for very little response!
Try being a lesbian. You have to approach women, too, though your pool is much smaller, because there are fewer lesbians in the world than heterosexuals, everyone thinks your sexuality is about them and men still come on to you even though you’ve made it clear you’re not interested. You couldn’t deal. You’d have a mental breakdown in a week, Sonny Jim.
To the People Who Read Your Bio Before Messaging You:
Thank you, wherever you may be. With all the people in the world, I’m sure you exist, I just haven’t met any of you yet.
A Genuine Thank You
The people who treat me like a person are the people who listen to my show. It’s as though, because they’ve heard my voice and information about my life, they know I’m an actual human being. I do genuinely thank those people. But they’re nice because they’ve already learned I’m a human and don’t exist merely to fulfill their fantasies.