This month’s Meditation has advice for both D-types and s-types.
Please see the first post in the series for an introduction to this feature.
This is Book One, Number Nine.
My debts to Sextus include kindliness, how to rule a household with paternal authority, the real meaning of the Natural Life, an unselfconscious dignity, an intuitive concern for the interests of one’s friends, and a good-natured patience with amateurs and visionaries. The aptness of his courtesy to each individual lent a charm to his society more potent than any flattery, yet at the same time it enacted the complete respect of all present. … Never displaying a sign of anger nor any kind of emotion, he was at once entirely imperturbable and yet full of kindly affection. His approval was always quietly and undemonstratively expressed, and he never paraded his encyclopaedic learning.
Let’s take it a bit at a time.
My debts to Sextus include kindliness, how to rule a household with paternal authority,
Once again, it doesn’t matter who Sextus was. He was kind and was apparently a paragon of other admirable qualities and that’s what we’re here for—to pilfer his admirable qualities for our nefarious purposes.
Good ol’ Sexy knew how to—not run—but ‘rule’ a household, which is rather Dominant. The word used is ‘paternal’ authority, but it’s difficult to believe there were no houses in Rome where the women were in charge.
the real meaning of the Natural Life,
I don’t know enough about Stoicism to properly interpret this, though the Stoics believed everyone was part of nature/the natural plan and this may refer to that. Your mileage may vary on this phrase depending on your personal philosophy on that topic. (If I’m even interpreting that correctly.)
an unselfconscious dignity, an intuitive concern for the interests of one’s friends, and a good-natured patience with amateurs and visionaries.
I’m not sure if a self-conscious person can have dignity, but the point is Sexy had it in spades. Which is one of those traits people on both sides of the slash should have. An inherent concern for your friends’ interests (what’s best for them in life—not their hobbies) is a mark of a decent human being.
Possessing not only patience, but good-natured patience with amateurs and visionaries is useful today in the kink scene for both sides of the slash.
‘My, yes, you are Lord Master Domly Dragon Cock. It’s exciting you’re finally old enough to drink, as well.’
The Stoics are like immortals—they take the very long view. Absolutely nothing is new. Humans have been doing the same things, for good or ill, since time immemorial so getting riled up about it is a waste of time and energy. It’s best to use your time and energy to control the things you can and to make the world a better place for those around you because all anyone has is this very moment and we’re all in this together.
In the kink scene, as long as no one is in danger then that brand new twenty year old Master on the scene will get over it and improve. Deal with them with good-natured patience or they’ll never learn.
The aptness of his courtesy to each individual lent a charm to his society more potent than any flattery, yet at the same time it enacted the complete respect of all present.
Basically, people can be suspicious of flattery. All you have to do is be genuinely nice. Simple courtesy makes people like and respect you. This works for all humans—not just kinky people.
Never displaying a sign of anger nor any kind of emotion, he was at once entirely imperturbable and yet full of kindly affection. His approval was always quietly and undemonstratively expressed, and he never paraded his encyclopaedic learning.
Stoics highly valued moderation in all things, particularly displays of emotion, even when in physical pain, no matter what is happening. Certain sorts of both D and s-types also place a high value on the control of extreme emotion as a sign of mastery of self or respect, depending on the side of slash the person resides on. Being imperturbable no matter the situation is a mark of a person prepared for anything—also highly valuable in either a D or s-type.
Sextus not only didn’t give over to flattery, but he was also quiet in his approval, which must have made it that much more valuable. This may or may not work for a D-type, in that some s-types want lots of praise, others only want it when they’ve felt they’ve earned it.
And finally, he was a smart guy but didn’t make people feel badly about not being as smart as he was. That’s just basic human decency. No one wants to serve a braggart and no one wants to own a braggart. Being around a pompous ass is no fun as a human being, either.
In short: Sextus was a super chill guy knew how to keep his subs in line.