Sub Journal 007: Revelations of the Past Year

007. What have you learned about yourself in the past year that surprises you?

I’ve learned that I can be committed and passionate about something if it means a great deal to me. The website and podcast are what have shown me this.

Previously, I’ve lost interest in other projects or hobbies after a few weeks or months, and thought the same thing would happen with the site and podcast. Instead, I’ve only become more committed and passionate about providing resources for people who are not traditional in their sexual or relationship desires.

I attribute this to having found something profound within myself—chiefly service-oriented submission—that has been there all along but I didn’t have words for. Experiencing that relief and (in a way) homecoming, I want to help other people along their own journeys. Whether that’s by recommending various sorts of media the Outsiders may connect with and find themselves in or by reading about my own life. No one should feel like they’re alone. Because no one is. No matter what you’re into or what speaks to your innermost self there are plenty of people out there who are equally interested and some probably have more experience and can guide you on your way.

I like to say, ‘Everything is a thing.’ If a dynamic, fetish or activity can be a profound experience for a person then someone is into it. You’re not the first, you won’t be the last and there’s no reason to feel badly about your natural inclinations.

I’ve got on a tangent—this is supposed to be about what I’ve learned about myself.

In my reading and studying I’ve confronted some of my own prejudices and worked out why I felt the way I did and worked to eradicate them from my worldview. Some were easier than others.

In the Things That Were Blatant But I Was Too Blind to See category: I’ve also realised I have a definite Little side, figured out what sort of power exchange I’m most interested in, and that I believe I would enjoy topping men.

That last one was the most surprising, even though it made complete sense once I realised it.

Also, I thought I would be fairly boring in my kink interests, but over the year, several things that were on my hard limits list have moved to either the ‘I’d try that with the right person to see if I’d enjoy it’ or ‘Yes, I would very much like to try this, thank you, please.’

A note about being ‘boring’–I never felt I should try my boundaries, as I subscribe to the ‘find your level’ philosophy of kink. Whatever feels natural to you is your level and there are no awards for doing more (or less) than that.

This prompt is from SubmissiveGuide.

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