Sex toys are expensive so us broke schmoes need guidance, but sex toy reviewers are not made equal. Therefore I’ll be bringing you reviews of sex toy reviewers. Because there are some really good ones out there.
Kicking off this new feature is my favourite sex toy review site Hey Epiphora.
She’s been reviewing sex toys for nine years and her experience shows. Reviews are well-written, hilarious and, if the product isn’t up to the job, take-no-prisoners. She’s also a proponent of ethical, body-safe products. So, you know, that’s good. Her enthusiasm is palpable.
There are other posts—an advice column, as well as blog posts, that are also worth your reading time.
With a boyfriend and a girlfriend, Piph’s toys are tested with another person when the need arises.
I think if there were one thing she’d want me to tell you it’s that she wants to teach you to squirt. (If you have a g-spot.) She loves it and wants everyone who can to be able to do so.
The site also has a porn section with some of her favourite films, as well as guides to how to write your own sex toy reviews and her jack off journal. And… more. There’s a lot going on. But it’s really well-organised.
There are lots of discount codes on her sales page and right now, many sales for the holidays right on the front page. She has the hook up.
Speaking of sales—the site has quite a few ads (I’m not judging, everyone needs to get paid) but they actually fit in really well with the site. This is a rare and wonderful thing. Most ads on websites are eye-sores, but the ones on Epiphora’s site … work. It’s impressive.
Some of my favourite posts:
- A Sex Blogger By Any Other Name: Where she talks about your scene name or pseudonym being part of who you are
- Eroscillator 2 vs Top Deluxe: Comparison of two versions of the same vibrator. With a diagram that made me smile huge.
- The sure to become a classic review of tiny dildos, which kicked off my own collection of teeny weenies.
- A Day in the Life of a Sex Toy Reviewer. This made me look at how I wanted to schedule my days and so much respect for this lady. It also made me want to take a nap.
- Bubble Love Review: Oh boy, this disaster of a toy cracked me up. It has video!
Now, if you really want a good time, go to the Slush Pile, which is the worst of the worst and just start reading. When Piph gets to trash something, well. That’s when things get great. Trying to read one of these reviews out loud without laughing would be a fun game with your friends. Each one take a turn on a review and see who can make it the longest before cackling like a lunatic. Whoever makes it the longest wins a sex toy from the Things that Ruled section.
Epiphora can be followed on: