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Sep 02 2016

My Dad Wrote a Porno

(Image shamelessly stolen from their Twitter account @DadWroteaPorno)

(Image shamelessly stolen from their Twitter account @DadWroteaPorno)

In the previous episode of The Pageist (23) I had a few positive words for the podcast My Dad Wrote a Porno.

Well, here are a few more.

Jamie Morton’s father (whose pen name is Rocky Flintstone—the best nom de plume ever to nom a plume) decided to write some erotic literature at the age of sixty.

As with any trauma, there is no wrong way to deal with this sort of thing, so Mr Morton chose to read his father’s…gift to literature to anyone who cared to listen.

The name of the book is Belinda Blinked; 1 A modern story of sex, erotica and passion. How the sexiest sales girl in business earns her huge bonus by being the best at removing her high heels. (US edition here)

That’s the title.

It only gets ‘better’ from there. Belinda works in pots and pans (that’s a quote) and… you know what, you’re not going to read this for the plot. Don’t kid yourself.

Assisting Mr Morton with coping (he insists he’s fine with his father having written this, but, come on now, reading this out to the world is clearly a cry for help) are his two long-time friends, James Cooper and Alice Levine.

The disturbed one is on the far left. Poor sod. Barely keeping it together for the photo. (source)

The disturbed one is on the far left. Poor sod. Barely keeping it together for the photo. (source)

Morton reads the book one chapter at a time and his friends make comments about grammar, plot, characterization and anatomy. There are times when one wonders if Mr Flintstone has seen the naked female form up close, but then one remembers he has several children. One of whom is reading the story to us.

It’s fucking hilarious. The book itself is…well… It’s not about the destination—it’s about the journey… and the wise-ass companions on the journey. Or something.

There is this one character… The Duchess. I picture her as Helen Mirren. So that was okay. Though, Rocky likened her nipples to the ‘three-inch rivets on the fateful Titanic’. W. T. F.

She was also doing something to Belinda at one point and her breasts ‘draped’ over her. What, like a tablecloth? The character was only 50!

There are some classic lines, let me tell you. ‘Her vaginal lids popped open’, ‘their respective vaginas were steaming’, ‘he grabbed her cervix.’ (Sorry.)

My Dad Wrote a Porno is produced brilliantly with crisp audio and Bill Bailey-worthy theme music. Jamie Morton sounds like Robert Webb and James Cooper’s laugh often reminds me of Ricky Gervais, which makes me laugh harder.

And I want to be friends with Alice. Speaking of, the show has the best opening of any podcast ever: It’s Alice saying ‘Why are we here?!’

I think that every morning when I awaken, Alice. I really do. I sort of want it as my ringtone. ‘Why are we here?’ then the theme music for a bit then, ‘No, really, WHY are we here?’ more music, ‘God, are we STILL here?!’

This is more like it. The reality is settling in. With friends like these, eh? (hilarious source)

This is more like it. The reality is settling in. With friends like these, eh? (hilarious source)

The ebook is available, but the podcast has been so popular they’re releasing a hardcover version of the book with all of the commentary and bonus content. (UK here/US here). I shall be gleefully reviewing it on the podcast. The release date is October 27 so it will be one of the earlier books I’ll review after moving to the U.K., which seems apt. Basically, as soon as I have an address in Oxford, I’m placing a pre-order.

The first entire book/series is out on iTunes and acast and probably on Android somehow. The second is currently being released on Mondays (Rocky is a prolific fellow, bless him—he has at least two more books in the works).

In short: if you’re not already listening to this show, go, do it now. But not in public, you’ll embarrass yourself laughing.

You may follow the intrepid gang, if you so wish, through these links:
Website: MyDadWroteaPorno
Podcast: All Episodes
Twitter: @dadwroteaporno
Instagram: MyDadWrotea

2 comments

  1. Rocky Flintstone

    Hi Julie,
    Thank you for the brill comments, best of luck on your move to Oxford!

    Rocky xx

    1. thepageist

      Hello Rocky,

      Thank you for stopping by and thank you for the good wishes.

      I look forward to hearing more about Belinda!

      Paige

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