Imagine if the sweetest thing you’d tasted until you were eighteen were apples.
You knew you liked that flavor, but thought it only came in that relatively small portion.
Then, suddenly, you are legally allowed into a sweets shop that also sells cakes and pastries.
There are amounts of sucrose on offer in forms you had no idea existed before.
Fabulous, wonderful arrays of sugar. In all colors, shapes, sizes and delivery methods.
You want to try it all. Today.
You’re an adult, so no one can stop you, right?
When it was apples and other fruits no one said, ‘Take it easy on that–you have to have a balanced diet or you’ll rot your teeth right out of your head.’
Or, ‘You can’t live on crap–you have to get out of the sweets shop and have other food.’ So you have no idea how to be safe. You just want to explore this new world.
Mostly by slamming your face straight into as many cakes as possible.
But there are people who live for those who’ve only just found the sweets shop. They love introducing new people to everything sugar-related and proclaiming themselves master of all that is delicious without necessarily taking into account that person’s individual dietary needs.
This week’s mentor post is by Aussie-Primal and he has some useful advice on how to avoid the people who are the equivalent of the wicked witch in Hansel and Gretel with the gingerbread house. Looks yummy, but she doesn’t intend to let you out until she’s good and ready.
Welcome to the world of kink. But beginners beware.
Welcome to the world of kink. I don’t like to give advice, but if I can give you any suggestions right now as a beginner, it’s simply stop, assess and take your time. Explore, watch, listen, absorb and learn. But do not commit. There is no rush. Take your time. I repeat. Do not commit. There will be plenty of time in the future, once you understand what you are, and what you seek, to commit. You will grow. You will evolve. Your kink will define. Trust me on this. It occurs to everyone. But for now simply take your time and explore this new world. This is your personal journey into kink. No one else’s.
“Always defend your right to kink at your own pace. You are taking your time. This is your journey. You are allowed to take your time.”
Just like in real life, you will find good and the bad amongst the kink community. The kink community as a whole is an amazing, great place. Full of people that are into fun, laughter, sharing experiences, sharing kink, sharing themselves, sharing love. But do not be fooled. Below the surface is a seething cesspool of opportunistic predators. Those predators lurk in the shadows and feed on the fresh and the new. The naive and the innocent. They also feed on the confused, the washed up, and those that have almost given up. They understand how sub frenzy affects both new, as well as experienced subs, and have honed their skills over time to capitalise on this. Opportunistic oxygen thieves.
Then you have the wannabe kinksters who have watched 50 Shades of Fuckthismoviesucks, and believe they are rock solid Dom’s. They call themselves Doms and it is so. They will order you to kneel at their feet, and you will do as you are told …. Why? Because they told you, of course. They have given themselves the title of Dom, so they ARE Dom…. Blergh. We see them come and go all the time. They aren’t Dominants. More like fucking Dumbinants.
But we also have the Snatchers. They will butter you up with smooth messages, telling you what you want to hear, priming and grooming you. They will enamour you with wordporn. Carefully constructed messages, meant to get into the mind of the vulnerable. But I can almost guarantee you, most of them have stolen those smooth words from someone’s post somewhere. Because they aren’t creative enough to put the words together themselves. Then all of a sudden it’s “Show me a thigh, or a side boob, or a wonderful picture of your dreamy snatch” ….. Snatchers. They just want a picture of your pussy and tits. To them that is kink…. See, abuse, flog the log, move on. That is their game.
You are new. We see you there, all naive and new, see you all excited. So very excited. Everything is fresh, vibrant, exciting. You are also confused as well. So very confused. But aroused. Oh my lord your little lady down below is just buzzing. You are seeing all this debauchery, all this nasty shit, and your little bean is vibrating faster than a modified Hitachi Wand with a 12hp motor. You dare not touch yourself for fear of gushing like a burst fire hydrant. What in the world does all this mean? What is a Top? And I just saw something about a sadomawha? And why do people have pets here? And my Lordy. Owned and Collared? A brat? And what the fuck is a S.A.M.? Like what the fuck? So confused…. And even though it doesn’t make sense, even though it’s so overwhelming, you feel this need, this intrinsic desire, to know more. It’s more than a desire. You feel something inside you has unlocked. This void waiting to be filled. Yes. Welcome to the wonderful world of kink. It did the same to all of us.
It’s so easy to list yourself as a sub and state you are advertising for a Dom, but before you do, please find out more about yourself, what type of sub you are, what your interests are. Once you have worked yourself out, and if you do indeed end up being s sub, then you will know what type of Dom you are looking for.
You don’t need to choose a title or a role. It doesn’t make a difference to your journey at this, or any stage. If you feel the urgent need to choose a title, then choose evolving, or exploring. And please, whatever you do, do not add information to your profile such as “new here, looking for help” or something similar. That’s like a big flashing neon sign for the predators. They will be crowding around the shadows and affixing their gentleman masks, slicking back their hair, clearing their throats, and switching to Mr Nice guy mode just prior to messaging you and offering to guide you.
Many “would be” Doms simply do things for their own personal sexual gratification and benefit, at the cost of a sub’s dignity, and often the longevity of her kink future. That’s not what being a Dom is about. A Doms role is to unlock your inner kink, to get to know you, understand you, learn about you, and guide you through the maze of kink. To empower you as both a woman and a sub. If you get the wrong Dom, or an inexperienced one, then you can be left with a bad taste in your mouth, left feeling used and abused, distrustful, or worst case, physically and emotionally hurt and scarred for life.
Learn to say no. Make sure you set soft and hard limits to protect yourself BEFORE each contact. Not just limits for play sessions. Set limits on contact. Make them firm limits, and non negotiable ones. No liars. No immoral fucktards. Married, but your wife doesn’t know? No thank you. No moral compass? Fuck off and don’t talk to me again. Set your limits. Firmly. Be astute. Be firm. Be strong.
“Whilst you submit your body, your mind, your heart and your very soul to your chosen Sir, you should never submit your voice of reason, nor your humanity….”
If you feel drawn to be a sub, to submit yourself to the will of another, then so be it. But remember, if you choose to kneel at the feet of your Dom, it should be done so at your choice. You choose to willingly give the gift of submission to your Dom. Not because the Dom demands or forces it from you, or treats you in a subservient manner. Give your submission willingly, when YOU are sure and ready. Your submission is an exceptionally important and rare gift. One of the most important gifts you will ever give to another. Treat it like the rare gift it is. Give it to someone that you trust. But never let go of your self respect. Your Dom will take your submission from you, once you give it to him, don’t get me wrong. He will take it and own that shit. That’s what real Dom’s do. But you get to choose the Dom you wish to submit to. Remember, if their is no submission, the only thing a Dom controls is his own fantasy.
Yes correct. You, the sub, actually control the Dom. YOU set your soft and hard limits. YOU choose to submit to Him or Her, or to simply walk away. YOU choose to allow the Dom to exert ownership over you. Without your submission, the only thing a Dom ever dominates, is his fantasies, and the cock in his hand.
Don’t rush headlong into any dynamics or relationships. When you are new, everything overwhelms you. And excites you. You may feel like a certain type of role is what you are suited for, but take a deep breath and give it time. You may be one of the chosen few that knows from birth what you want, what you are. But like most of us, when it’s new, you will have no idea. You will gravitate towards the role that piqued your interest enough to make you delve into kink in the first place. That is natural. But put those training wheels on, proudly wear and display the learners plate (but not on your profile), and absorb everything around you like a sponge. If someone attracts you, don’t fall into that D/s relationship, dynamic or role straight away. Be honest with them and yourself. Say to them – “I love the idea, I’m flattered that you ask or offer or demand. But I would like to get to know you better”.
And for fucks sake, protect your identity. Don’t just give your name, email, phone number, address, work place or any other identifying details out until you at least know someone, and have met them. Or do you want to be stalked on Facebook or have threatening texts sent to your phone, or have photos sent to your family in attempted blackmail or extortion. Protect yourself. Your personally safety and protection of your identity should be your number one concern. Be smart. Please. We beg of you to remain safe and smart, and not become a statistic.
Whether you are male or female and irrelevant if you identify as a Top or a bottom, or are simply unsure what you identify as, go to munches, visit events, ask questions, join groups, read, learn and play. Surround yourself with people that are positive to your growth. Get yourself some mentors who can walk you through the game. Make lots of friends. Friends that offer advice, but have no hidden agendas.
Take your time. Do not rush. It is your journey. No one else’s.
“Sometimes people around you won’t understand your kink or your journey. They don’t need to. The journey is not for them.”
As always, I hope you are enjoying your kink journey.
This is the original writing on Fet.
If you enjoyed this writing, you can view Aussie-Primal’s other writings (including articles and erotica) here.
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