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May 14 2016

No-Limits Submission with Pepper Pots

This writing was the subject of some controversy on Fetlife, there was discussion about the use of the phrase ‘no-limits’ in place of consensual non-consent. Or whether it was even possible to ethically have a CNC relationship.

Janet W. Hardy would say it’s not possible, because a top would always be able to read the other person’s body language and tone.

The overall concept of what’s being described in this piece is similar to what I’ve heard people in Master/slave relationships talk about when describing how their relationships work, which is why I’m posting it.

The original writing is here.

On being a No-limits submissive

I, as my Sir’s submissive, have no right to say no in our relationship. This makes a lot of people very, very uncomfortable, and for good reason. What we do is definitely on the edgier side of things, and definitely not for everyone. But there are three very good reasons why I have chosen to have this type of dynamic.

Moral Compatibility

For some reason, people’s first reaction when I tell them I don’t have limits with Sir is to say, “but what if he made you do (something that violates fetlife’s TOU)??” I just….no. If I thought Sir was going to make me do something morally bankrupt, I wouldn’t be with him. We agree on issues such as not involving parties that are unable to consent. I know for a fact he has no interest in doing those things, or making me do them.

He knows the line between hurt and harm

He does a lot of things that I don’t like. Some I even hate. Some terrify me, and others I think I can’t handle. But never, ever, would he harm me. I know that as his property, he feels responsible to take good care of me, and has no reason to damage me irreparably. That just wouldn’t work out in his favor. So although the things he asks of me may push me, and they may seem impossible to me, I know that he may hurt me, but he will never harm me, and he will always put me back together again.

Good communication

This is key to making this work. Remember that hurt not harm thing? everyone has different things that would harm them. I trust Sir to know the difference between what I really, really don’t want to do, and what will cause me severe distress if I do it. He knows this because I have communicated these things at various times, and allowed him to make that judgement call.

Bonus: Trust

This is the key above all. If you wouldn’t trust the person you are playing with with your life, always have a safeword, and always tell them your limits. But choosing to trust him, and to take this step, was an extremely freeing decision for me. Trust is so huge to me, and he has done everything to respect that.

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