This week ButtonEyes_MD from Fetlife (who has the best bio I’ve seen yet) explains how to tell when it’s okay to join another dynamic.
PSA — Don’t join the dynamic if no one invited you
This shouldn’t really have to be stated, but it seems to be something many people find problematic anyways.
Don’t join someone else’s dynamic if no one invited you.
The difference between consensual BDSM and just being an asshole is the consent part.
I don’t walk up to a scene and start hitting someone else’s bottom, unless both of those people have told me that it is ok to do so.
I don’t order someone else’s submissive to go fetch me something to eat, unless that is something we have discussed and agreed upon.
So why do people think it’s ok to be mean to someone just because someone else is doing it?
If i’m calling someone an ugly stupid cunt, that is because it is the dynamic that has been agreed upon between me and the other person. I’m not just an asshole who goes around insulting and degrading anyone I want. (Despite what people might tell you.)
Here is an easy way to figure out if you are trying enter into a dynamic where you don’t belong:
Step one – Are you doing something mean to someone? If yes, proceed to step two.
Step two – Did you discuss it with them beforehand and they enthusiastically agreed to it? If no, proceed to step three.
Step three – Stop that, you idiot.
You are welcome.