This month had four weeks’ worth of prompts, which is four guideposts and writing assignments each and eight weekly thoughts to choose from. I couldn’t narrow it down to just two Thoughts for the Week and wound up choosing three.
Surrender. True surrender is a victory, not a defeat. When you can embrace the unknown and find strength in your vulnerability, then you will know real freedom.
The idea of being so comfortable with my Dominant—and so able to trust her—that I could surrender myself physically, emotionally, mentally, etc, is freeing. And empowering. There’s power in both sides of the equation, I think—caring for someone and protecting them and allowing yourself to be cared for and protected and completely surrendering yourself to another person’s will. It must be remarkably freeing to get to the point where you know that, no matter what happens, your D-type will guide you in the direction that’s the best for you as a person and for the two of you as a couple. To not have to second-guess or worry and to trust that as long as you take care of your Dominant, she’ll take care of you.
Thoughts for the Week 01
A slave should not seek to be punished. However, when mistakes are made, a slave should seek to earn the privilege of being punished and forgiven. This privilege is earned by consenting to the punishment deemed appropriate by the Owner, demonstrating genuine remorse for the shortcoming and making a sincere effort not to repeat the mistake in the future.
As I would choose a Dominant I respected completely, her disappointment would be devastating to me. I would rather be punished in whatever way I had agreed to in our contract and whatever way she deemed appropriate at that time in order to earn her forgiveness and prove I was genuinely sorry. Knowing I could be punished would also keep me in line, I think. Knowing my Dominant knew I was capable of so much that it was possible to let her down to the point she would need to punish me to bring me back in line and not wanting to do that (also knowing she had that level of confidence in me) would make me want to live up to her ideals.
Thoughts for the Week 02
As you explore new areas of physical submission, don’t overlook the emotional and spiritual aspects. These areas can provide you with as much fulfillment and satisfaction as you gain from physical acts of submission. As you grow and learn, you will find these areas will become more integrated and very often indistinguishable from each other.
I’ve never understood what ‘spiritual’ aspects are, but emotional submission comes easily for me. And the integration of physical and emotional submission has also been quite natural, as well. I concur whole-heartedly that emotional submission is fulfilling. That was first for me and the easiest—the most natural. Submitting emotionally answers something within me that’s difficult to put into words. The physical part is secondary, and more difficult for me, so it’s interesting that this prompt is worded in a way to suggest that’s what people focus on. I suppose kink is often more focused on the physical rather than the mental. That’s probably worth a blog post.
Thoughts for the Week 03
A valuable talent for a slave to have is the ability to anticipate and fulfill an Owner’s needs, wants, and desires. This ‘talent’ is actually a learned skill that is acquired by remaining focused on your Owner and observant of even the slightest facial expression. Watching your Owner interact with others can be especially enlightening. What traits does your Owner find pleasing in others? What topics of conversation fascinate your Owner? Are these things you can incorporate into your service?
Anticipatory service is something I find both intriguing and baffling. I’m never been able to read people well—it’s why I enjoy being told what to do and why I like routine because then I know what is expected of me. I’m often amazed by the average person being able to just know how another person is feeling so the idea of knowing my Dominant so well as to anticipate her needs is beautiful to me. I would like to be able to do that. I think perhaps it would have to begin by her giving me some sort of non-verbal cue. When she wanted tea she’d do some subtle movement and I’d know—something of that nature.
In terms of watching my Dominant interacting with another person in order to be more pleasing to her—that’s something I hadn’t considered before. I’m not sure I would consider simply being more like the things she likes would be part of service as it would just be part of a normal relationship. A willingness to learn about things my Dominant found interesting would seem to show I cared, to my mind, though I suppose it could also be a part of service, as well.
Characteristics Essential for Ownership. What qualities or character traits does an Owner need to have in order to gain your consent to serve? Name at least three or these qualities and explain why you feel they are important.
1. Intelligence. I couldn’t serve a person I didn’t respect and I couldn’t respect an unintelligent person.
2. Controlled. I respect a person who never loses their calm—who responds to difficult situations with a level-head.
3. Kind. I respect a person who is kind. Someone who tries to find the best in others but also doesn’t suffer fools.
4. Able to be vulnerable. I respect a person who is capable of showing their humanity. I couldn’t be with someone who seemed perfect or felt to need to pretend to be invulnerable.
5. Funny. A sense of humour is a must. Life is ridiculous sometimes and it’s important to be able to laugh.
The practical project for this month concerned leather care, which I wrote a separate post about. I’ve also posted some links to useful sites in the Service section of the Resources section of the site.