Punishment within a power exchange is important, but that doesn’t mean it’s sheer joy. This week’s Mentor post is by Brittunculi and explains how and why s-types should value punishment, even if we don’t look forward to it.
Punishments suck when done as an actual punishment. There are the fun ones where you’re both messing on and you get a joke spanking, but it’s in the context of you both being playful and it’s wanted. When I’ve really done something I shouldn’t and I get punished I hate the punishment and need it as well.
I’m not perfect and I forget things, especially protocols. I don’t mean to or want to. So whilst I don’t want to be punished I appreciate the punishment for three reasons.
It helps me become a better submissive. That punishment is a reminder to me on what I’m supposed to do. That one thing I keep forgetting won’t be forgotten again. Change in routine can be hard so rules can be forgotten, and tasks not completed on time. Yet I agreed to them because it’s what I want, and it’s as important to me as it is to my Dom. I want to grow as his submissive, and I want to serve him. So I agree to certain protocols that I know will benefit us both. I consent to being punished if I do not complete them.
I don’t consent just so I can purposefully not do them, and then earn a spanking. It wouldn’t work in our dynamic because we have a no impact play rule for punishments. I consent so that he can lead me to where we both want to be. So I can lose myself in him more, make him proud and be his good girl. The knowledge that I will be held to these rules is what makes our dynamic work.
This brings me to the second reason. It lets me know he cares. If he notices that I’m not doing what I agreed to do then he is attentive to our dynamic. It’s far more complex being in a D/s relationship and it needs a great more attention to detail. I’m not going to work my ass off serving someone who doesn’t notice if I do it or not. If all they do is make sure they get a blowjob while giving me a few spanks at the end of the day then that’s a kinky person not a Dom. A Dom is someone who is aware what their sub is up to, how they are performing and how they are growing in the dynamic.
When he punishes me its his way of saying I saw you straying off our path, and now I’m going to pull you back and put you where we both want you to be. He cares enough to take time to enforce what we both agreed to. Punishments can be boring for a Dom at times, but he still ensures they happen so that I can reconnect with him. So I can show him this is where I want to be, and that brings me onto my third and final reason.
Sometimes I screw up and I feel terrible for doing it. As a sub when I fail at a protocol or task I beat myself up inside for not serving him correctly. These rules are not a game to me, they are part of who I am. So I feel like I’ve failed when I let him down. Then comes the punishment. I hate them with a passion because he’s good at picking things I don’t like. At this moment I get to prove to him that I do want to be his submissive. That I will endure this punishment as an apology and act of redemption for failing him earlier.
Once I’ve done this punishment I can curl up with him knowing I’m forgiven. What I have done has been forgotten and we’ve both learned and grown. I have a clean slate to begin again with. I need to be given this opportunity to make my wrong right so I can feel settled again in both myself and in my Dom. Without punishment I would just be a walking list of failures with no way of making it up to my Dom.
So I hate punishments but I need them. Its in those moments that I show that this is not a game to me. I respect him, I respect our rules and I’m willing to respect the repercussions of not following them, and to be given the chance to show him.
My punishments are a gift and I will serve them with thanks, for with them I can grow into the submissive I want to be, and he can grow to be the Dom he wants to be as well.