Innermind writes a lot on FetLife.
This time around he’s talking about equality in power exchange relationships. Which is a real thing. But I’ll let him explain.
D/s is about equality, seriously
D/s is a relationship between equals. When you first say that, it almost sounds like a punchline to a joke. Because how can there be equality when the whole premise of a D/s relationship is an uneven exchange in the distribution of power.
It’s because the equality doesn’t stem from the unbalance of power, but it stems from the ability of two equals to unequally distribute that power. Whether it’s a temporary or longer term exchange, it’s still rooted in the fact that both sides are equal to each other. Both sides are just as valuable no matter their role and more importantly, both are absolutely necessary to one another in order for there to even be a functioning dynamic.
I’ve talked before about how I feel the D type has more influence and responsibility than an s type and someone said that was a contradiction of my views that D/s equates to an equal relationship. I don’t believe it is.
The reason is, the equality between each other isn’t rooted in protocols, expectations and defined specifications of each role. Rather it’s rooted in each side being equally responsible for the overall well being of the relationship, each side being equally responsible for the overall well being of themselves and each person being equally important, irrespective of who they’re in a relationship with or what role they’re assuming.
Personal responsibility in the relationship is equal, always.
When I say the D type has more influence on the overall tone of the relationship, that doesn’t create an inequality, but actually defines why they are equals. Much like the power, that added responsibility is not something one takes, but it’s willfully distributed between equals. When one assumes the role of a top or D type, he/she does so not thinking they are more important than their s type, but they are simply fulfilling a role that speaks to their inner core and because they need the s type to give them that respect, trust and submission in order for their assumed leadership to mean anything.
That exchange, of power, purpose, responsibilities and emotions, doesn’t sift anything to one side or the other to create a gap between unequals, it does the opposite and builds a bride between two equals fulfilling each other’s needs, equally.
In essence, one needs to lead and one needs to follow, that may look different in a thousand different ways and mean a lot of different things, to a lot of different people, but no matter the differences, one thing that is the same, is D types and s types are not different in their importance, they are equally important independently to one another and more so, they are equally important to one another as well.
D/s is as equal as a relationship as any other relationship between two people.