Day 13: Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?
I’ve read this question five times and I’m not sure how to answer it. I just am drawn to certain things. The biggest part of BDSM I’m drawn to is D/s. I’d definitely be into bondage and the pain, but I look at it like D/s would be the main course and the rest would be side dishes.
In terms of what draws me to D/s… I can tell you what does, but I can’t tell you why, because I don’t know why (and I don’t think the ‘why’ matters. You just are who you are.)
I want to provide service because I like the idea of being useful to someone I admire and respect—a Dominant. It’s inherent to me—I just naturally want to do things to make life easier for that sort of person. In return I only need genuine gratitude.
I’ve always liked rules and order and being told exactly what was expected of me so I could meet those expectations and be praised for doing so. So I could know I was doing a good job. That’s how I’ve been my entire life. I do know where that desire comes from—I’ve often had a difficult (re: impossible) time reading other people and knowing what they want. I’d prefer it if people explicitly stated what they wanted and expected. That people didn’t state what they wanted and then got angry when I didn’t deliver was confounding. Other people are better at knowing what’s expected of them. Not me.
I’ve always liked bossy women telling me what to do. (Everyone else can take a flying leap—I’m not a doormat.) But a take-charge sort of woman; intelligent and confident…older…Yes, I will do your bidding. Please allow me to, it would be an honour and a privilege.
In terms of what draws me to the bondage and masochistic parts? The accoutrements are sexy. I love leather things. There’s more to it than that, of course, but that’s how it started. I saw something—a flogger—and thought, ‘Hey, there, lovely. You should be mine.’ It never occurred to me to hit someone with it—it was a given in my head that I would be on the receiving end. Something about certain implements—even before I explicitly knew I was kinky—set off something in my brain. I couldn’t tell you why.