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Sep 11 2015

30 Days of Kink Day 11: Ethics

Day 11: What are your views on the ethics of kink?

When I first read this prompt I didn’t understand the question. So I looked at answers other people gave to see if anyone else had a better idea thinking that perhaps I was missing something. Others were as confused as I was so at least I wasn’t alone.

There were two entries that particularly stood out, though. One was from Confessions of a Rope Slut, where she defined the word ethics and said she thought practising BDSM was ethical because consent from all parties was required.

The other was from The Joy of Kink, where the author, Michael Samadhi, ponders the point of the question then wonders if it’s because people in the vanilla world think kink is inherently unethical. I recommend reading his entire post, but I really loved this bit:

Except we spend an inordinate amount of time discussing ethics in the world of kink.  Ethics are discussed at munches and in discussion groups. Ethics are discussed at outings, retreats, trysts, carnivals, and every other imaginable gathering under the sun.

We have ethics.  And we want the world to know it too!  As I’ve mentioned before, that’s why we have mottoes like Safe, Sane, and Consensual, and Risk Aware Kink.  They really aren’t so much competing philosophies, as they are competing slogans, designed to show the world that despite having unusual hobbies and predilections, we are not the bogey men and bogey women of modern day life.  There’s no need to call out the townspeople, nothing even remotely edgy going on over here.

We're all *thiiiiis* innocent.

We’re all *thiiiiis* innocent. (credit)

It was that quote that helped me work out what was confusing about the question. I have nothing to add to the conversation about the ethics of kink because it’s discussed constantly. And that’s good! If you have someone else’s life and psyche in your hands (or are allowing someone else to take yours in theirs) then you should all be consenting and aware of the risks, depending on your acronym of choice. But it’s not as though kinky people lack ethics or the language to discuss them.

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