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Aug 30 2015

Sub Journal Prompt 003: Safewords

003. ‘A sub with a safeword is just a Domme on her knees.’ Do you think this is true? Why or why not?

I absolutely do not think this is true and I’d question any Dominant who’d ask their submissive to forgo a safeword, as that seems like borderline abusive behaviour. No one can read your every thought and mood—even you can’t always know how you’re going to react to every single situation—so a sub needs some sort of safety net in place just in case. If for no other reason than an actual emergency. You may not have met a physical or emotional limit but what if you have a heart attack or a stroke? Having a safeword doesn’t mean you have to use it. A Dominant who doesn’t want their sub to have one reminds me of the alpha partner of a vanilla relationship who makes their spouse cut off all contact with their family or friends. It strikes me as controlling.

That said, if a sub is safewording at the merest suggestion of something sharp or thuddy or intimidating (even after limits have been negotiated) then you have to wonder what they’re doing there in the first place.

And if everyone is there to have a good time and you both want to push the limits, then why are safewords so boring? Do you find seat belts boring, too? They’re unobtrusive and exist to kick in at the last moment to keep something truly terrible from happening. And if you’re in one of those INDY cars that are super kitted out with safety gear you can drive as recklessly as you’d like because all the physical safewords will kick in and save you.

Driving recklessly without safewords is dangerous for everyone involved. And driving properly without safewords means driving very slowly and carefully, and no one is interested in that.

A sub who doesn’t want a safeword—perhaps they feel if they have one they’ll use it or they want to please their Dominant (in which case, I hope their Dom/me would insist that safety pleases them most)–is slightly different. Again, there’s nothing wrong with having one. Just, you know. Sitting over there. You don’t have to use it. Just let it be there. If avoiding death and permanent injury is not on your list of things to do today your safeword can be ‘death’.

Or don’t. Run your scenes and power exchanges the way you’d like (and no safewords in long-term power exchanges make more sense because the people involved will know one another much better, but still). I would always have a safeword, though. Perhaps ‘spider’ or ‘vomit’.

This prompt came from this page.

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