What Doms are NOT by Emma L

There are as many types of Dom/mes as there are Dominants in the lifestyle. As long as all parties involved are enjoying themselves then the D-type must be doing it right.

Still, there are some things that Dom/mes most definitely aren’t, ever. Emma_L is going to explain what those are.

For the Hundredth Time… Your DOM is NOT…

…a person who will refuse to use safe words when you request them.

A Dom will listen to the word ‘Red’ and heed it.

…a person who will make you scared to come home.

Ever. You will feel comfortable at home.

…a person who will convince you to address him/her with a title before you are his/her submissive.

Yes, this takes more than a few weeks to happen. Be assured, the right one is out there, but you might have to work at the relationship before it happens.

…a person who will ignore your limits.

You can tell your Dom that new toy freaks you out. And that it ISN’T GOING IN YOUR ASS. They will listen to you. They want to take care of you. That means hearing your limits, pushing them gently but not so far that you feel uncomfortable.

…a person who will ignore your concerns.

You can tell your Dom you are worried about a scene. You can say that you are bothered by going somewhere with public play because you don’t know what to expect and will they talk about it with you. You can be secure that a Dom will know what is best.

You’d be surprised how easy this person is to talk to.

…a person who is unapproachable.

You can tell your Dom anything. He/she will respect your confidence and will not mock you for your damage. He/she treasures your confidence because it is one step closer to your submission.

And yes, this is hard to trust him/her to do.

…a person who is out of control.

This person is a rock for you to rely on.

…a person who disrespects you.

This means if she/he mocks you, your friends or your family, she/he is not the person for you.


I am staggered by reading posts from women who are meeting men that scare them, worry them, or freak them out.

I literally have read over a dozen of these lately. However, I am not trying to single anyone of them out.

Please, if a person makes you at all worried or scared, he or she isn’t worth your time. The right person will comfort you, care about your safety and will not force an attitude on you within a day of your first kik conversation.

You can check out more of Emma’s writing on her blog The Fet Report

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