This blog is called The Pageist because I rather feel like the only one. Perhaps others will find their way here and we can all chat about the glory of office supplies and Dominants who appreciate a nicely organised desk.
Pageism is a form of service-oriented submission. It took me awhile to work this out. Below are the first two essays I wrote about it. Most of my posts will be about more general aspects of the lifestyle but these essays are a good way to kick off this site, as pageism is how I relate to D/s and BDSM.
The original essay was written in August of 2002, when I was in my mid-twenties.
The second essay was written in February of 2015, in my mid-thirties.
Original Essay on Pageism
I usually subscribe to the philosophy that learning new things about oneself is an inherently good thing. Because even if it is a bit disturbing, you are still expanding your horizons, exploring why you are the way you are, etc. That does not mean that every time I learn something new about myself I greet the information with a smile on my lips and a song in my heart. No, sometimes when the light of realisation is shone on a heretofore-darkened area of my personality I gasp in shock (when I found myself singing along with the new Celine Dion, for example) and sometimes I laugh out loud and frighten my cats. The latter reaction was in order when I found a spot-on description of a facet of my sexual self that I was unaware of and certainly did not even know had a name.
I am a Pageist.
There, I said it. If I left it there the only people who would have the foggiest clue as to what my kink is would be devotees of Richard von Krafft-Ebing. Krafft-Ebing was a German physician and Professor of psychiatry. He preceded Freud and Kinsey in the cataloguing of kinky sex. He is perhaps most known for his Psychopathia Sexualis, which was probably the first book published and sold under the guise of ‘medical education’ that went on to be a best-seller among lay society. It was a compilation of the most bizarre sexual deviancy cases he witnessed or heard about in his practice of psychiatry. It was the first to chronicle the kinks that moved beneath the veneer of repressed Victorian mores.
Then again, if those rumours about Prince Albert are true then I think the Victorians were having a lot more fun than they wanted to let on about. He had some pretty radical ideas for the times, for example he thought that homosexuals were not mentally ill, just a smaller portion of society. Certain groups of the religious right are still trying to catch up to that one.
But I digress. Back to my pageism. For my birthday I received a copy of Psychopathia Sexualis and was happily reading along when I arrived at the section concerned with masochism. I have never considered myself to be a masochist; in fact, when someone tries to get uppity with me I have always found it to be a huge turn off. Then I stumbled upon a paragraph-long description of pageism. One of his patients described himself as a ‘pageist’ and at first I thought it was someone turned on by books or bookish people—this would be an accurate description of my romantic leanings, but I could not figure how that fell under the category of masochism. It turns out that a Pageist is a person who wants to be a page or slave to a beautiful female. It is not a sexual relationship because the act is not seen as adequate to the depth of emotion involved. Krafft-Ebing argued that this was an act of ‘symbolic masochism’ wherein gratification comes from platonic submission, from acting out a sexually masochistic relationship minus the sex or physical humiliation. Suddenly all of my Anne Robinson fantasies made sense (was that too much information?)
Alas, my pageism is not pure. The technical description was of a person who wanted to serve a beautiful young woman and my romantic leanings have always veered toward the more mature women of the world. I like the idea of being a slave to a cold, demanding older woman. Eternally grateful and devoted. My ‘owner’ would have affection for me, much like one has affection for one’s pets and likes to show them off, especially if they are well trained or particularly beautiful. I would be treated very much like a pet in fact, or a doll. She would groom me and choose clothes that I always liked and were quite flattering. I would be madly in love with her, but she would only view me as a possession.
Currents Thoughts on Pageism: An update to my original essay on pageism
This is an update to the original essay I wrote after discovering the term pageist and realising it applied to me.
My first thought is that my writing has improved by a large margin over the last twelve and a half years. I had to resist the urge to edit the original, overblown text. Who knows what I’m going to think of this current piece in twelve years.
In regard to desires there have been some changes. The physical ideal is the same (older, intelligent, sophisticated, etc), but she is no longer cold or demanding. There’s genuine warmth, love and adoration on both sides. She is protective of me.
This is a reflection of a healthy Domme/sub relationship, whereas what I wanted before would have been a person with all the power using it against someone who idolized them. So that’s progress.
Having my clothes chosen and being treated like a pet (meaning favourite, not animal) still appeals greatly.
There is also a definite sexual element now, and though it can be disciplinary or sadomasochistic it’s always consensual and she always takes care of me afterwards. Doing her chores and generally obeying to the best of my ability in non-sexual matters still provide what the original pageist from Krafft-Ebing’s book called ‘moral satisfaction’ and nothing pleases me more than pleasing her. She’s always sure to let me know when I’ve done a good job.
I’m no longer a possession, I love as violently as I am loved.